A snarky retrospective of my beloved childhood cartoon, which I have not (mostly) seen since I was five.

New posts every Monday.

I can’t believe I made it! After more than two and a half years, I have finished what I set out to do, and I crossed the finish line relatively unscathed and with a sufficient (arguably) amount of sanity intact. It wasn’t always easy, and many times even touched on fun. I have to admit, sometimes this was more of a chore than a joy, or felt like a second job that I’ve never made a penny from doing, but that wasn’t the point.

1 18 In the Sky

The point was that I used to write a lot, but then I joined the corporate workforce and my creative inspirations slowly drained away and I stopped writing. One day a few years ago, my wife turned me on to a blog called Full House Reviewed. The author, then going by the name Billy Superstar (he revealed himself when the project was over – I’m not going to do that), had been writing for a couple years already. He then got bumped on The Huffington Post and his blog took off. That’s when I discovered it.

He was over four years in when he finished his project, which I can’t even fucking fathom. He never posted late and he never missed a week, except occasionally by design in between seasons, and he would always announce those intentions ahead of time. Anyway, he said that the reason he started writing his blog was as a writing exercise, a creative outlet to regularly practice with. I liked that idea, and I had, what should be very obvious to you by now (unless you are joining us for the first time), a similar love/hate relationship with He-Man. With Mr. Superstar’s blessings I committed to this project, starting with the 10 or so hours I spent photoshopping the banner.

So, while I can’t claim quite the accolades that Billy Superstar can having done this for four years, I can give myself a pat on the back, because I did what I set out to do. I never missed a week and never posted late. There have been many obstacles to that over the years, too. Some were the good kind, like vacations. Some were annoying like technical difficulties requiring clever workarounds, and some were very bad and serious. Since I’m not pulling back the curtain on my persona, I’ll just leave it at that, but I mean it when I say serious. After all that, here I am on the other side of it, and I think I can say that writing He-Man Reviewed made my life better. Between the discipline, the resurgence of creativity I’ve been experiencing, the nostalgia of a fondly remembered childhood, all of it has been character building.

2 16 Monoerotic Kissing Gif

As much as I ragged on this show, there’s a bit of an irony that’s not lost on me here. He-Man, along with your typical assortment of Marvel and DC heroes, had so much to do with shaping my personality, such that my actions are still largely guided by the influence of these heroes. My wife nicknamed me “The Good Samaritan” – which she thankfully never actually called me – when we first started dating. The irony is that, even with the intention of coming at this show with a sardonic, gutter-minded adult lens, this show, once again, did something positive for me, did something moving for me; made me a better person.

5 21 Shit Eating Grin

I have a daughter that recently turned four. I’ve done my parental duty to get her hooked on hero culture. She, by demand, has watched all of the animated Justice League a few times over, has seen many of the modern hero movies, excepting the more dark/violent ones, and by extension of me writing this show, He-Man. Her favorite is the 70s Lynda Carter Wonder Woman show. With the help of some of my best childhood “friends”, these heroes and I are raising another good person in the world. It just sucks that it seems for every one good person there’s a dozen total pieces of shit, just looking for a chance to get stuck in your shoe tread.

1 8 Kissing Beast Man

Well, now that I’ve waxed nostalgic a bit, for those that have been reading along faithfully, I’ve occasionally commented that I may or may not do once this thing was all over. Do I keep writing? If so, what? Another show review? Which one? She-Ra would be a logical extension. Also, just as I was inspired from Full House Reviewed (as far as I know, I am the first “spin-off” of FHR), several others have picked up a classic TV show to review from each of their alternative perspectives, so some of the other “choice” shows have been taken already. Some of these other off-shoot, review style sites are just getting started, or early in their path, others have covered a good distance already, and some have even fallen. Many of them are linked in my blog roll.

Some of the complaining I did about watching and writing about this show was true frustration, some of it was persona, but make no mistake, it was a commitment, especially the writing deadline. I’ve you’ve been inspired to write by reading this, whatever the form, I wish you luck and can just say, stick with it. Find a way, no matter what. I’m so grateful to everyone that visits and reads my rantings, especially those that are regular readers. Full House Reviewed had a really unique thing where the comments to the posts were very, very active. You guys have always been pretty quiet, but I know you’re there, I can see it in the numbers. I can honestly say, I don’t know if I would have made it all the way if it wasn’t for you guys reading it.

34 8 I Wish I Was Reading 50 Shades of Grey

I digress. She-Ra is about two thirds as long as the original He-Man series. There are three seasons, the first of which was 65 episodes, then the second and third were 14 each. So the first season is the long haul, then two and three would go quickly. Still, it’s nearly another two years. One of the good obstacles I encountered on this journey, was that I wrote my second screenplay. An idea I’d had banging around in my head clicked into place about three months after I started this project. Then, for three weeks straight, I wrote every night. One night a week on He-Man, the rest on the screen play. I finished the first draft in just three weeks, but it was grueling.

I can’t believe I was able to get those He-Man episodes done in one night. The average episode takes me about 5 hours over two nights to get from start to finish. Sometimes it takes three or four nights and 8 or more hours. Depends on a lot of things. Anyway, so the idea of another two years is daunting. I’ve considered alternate publishing schedules, like every other week, or three weeks on, one off, but all of these things ultimately draw out the number of years I’m committing to this.

Ultimately, I have decided, for the foreseeable future, I am not continuing with another online writing project. Instead, I will take the writing discipline I’ve gained and apply that same aggressive writing pursuit with an equivalent amount of time, and write offline on 100% original projects. I have a few more screenplay outlines floating around in this head that I would love to have the time to develop further. I have an outline for a novel as well, but no time to write it. A family man with a young child and a full time corporate job, and a love of video games, movies, and music, has little time to mete out. I’m so proud of writing He-Man, but now I need that time back to develop some of the original creative ideas I’ve had while writing this blog.

This may not be good-bye forever. For one thing, I never finished “remastering” the first 20 or so episodes that were ported over from my original Blogspot home, so I’ll probably take the time now to go finish that. Maybe I’ll link a page with news, so I can make any announcements, such as if I decide to pick up She-Ra at some point in the future, or post links to other writings or something (right now, there’s really nothing to link to, I’m just spit-balling here). I don’t know. For now, Santanaonfire is signing offline, but is going to keep writing.

247 11 Useless Pawing Gif

I hope you guys enjoyed the ride. Watching this series over again as an adult, there really is a lot going on here in-between-the-lines. I won’t venture to say if Prince Adam really was supposed to be a gay character or not, but there certainly is plenty of evidence on which to make a case. I think that case is pro-gay, which I fully support. If you’ve read through my posts, you know that a lot of the comedy here could be considered homophobic or misogynistic, but it was all hyperbole for the sake of comedy, and to expose the era for what it was – homophobic and misogynistic. Truly, I am pro-gay rights, and a feminist. I took both gay and feminist theory courses in college, and continue to support these causes.

I believe that when it comes to comedy, nothing is off-limits. Dead baby jokes, racist jokes, homophobic jokes, misogynistic jokes, nothing. Laughter is healing and comedy can help us shine a light in the darkest of places and allow us to process some of the most difficult, rigorous, and heartbreaking aspects of the human condition, and by exposing it in that way, we can laugh and begin to heal. Jokes like these help us realize how ridiculous gender and racial/cultural stereotypes can be. So, I hope you laughed while reading, but also that maybe I provoked some deeper thought that helps you examine your mores and come out on the other side with a new outlook, or even reinforced in your beliefs – as long as you thought about it, got the facts, and made an informed decision. Or, maybe, I’m putting way too much importance and weight on a silly little internet blog about shirtless muscle man running around in his furry underpants and boots.

Well, I’m done rambling now, so I’ll leave you with my top 10 favorite moments from the series:

10. When Beast Man got a facial (season 1 episode 3)

3 12 Golden Shower Gif

9. The drug episode. (season 1 episode 10)

110 8 Welcome To Crack

8. When Man-At-Arms got shit faced (season 1 episode 20)

120-1-Shit-Covered-Gif

7.  When He-Man pulled a medallion from Orko’s Ass. (season 1 episode 22)

22 2 From You Ass Gif

6.  When Orko is in pain and discomfort. (season 1 episode 30)

30 17 Diabetis is Fun Gif

5.  When He-Man got some. (season 1 episode 31)

31 18 Ram My Rampart

4. When He-Man rescues young boys (season 1 episode 12)

112 7 Shirtless Boy

3. When Teela laughs (season 1 episode 7, 20, 42)

7 3 Sexy Laugh Gif

120-2-Sexy-Laugh-Gif

42 10 Sexy Laugh Gif

2.  That time He-Man masturbated during the moral of the story. (season 2 episode 58)

258 18 His Wanking Arm Gif

1.  Teela’s ass. (season 1 episode 39, and many more)

39 3 Squat Ass Gif

(c) 1987 Mattel Inc, Cannon Films, Warner Home Video

Welcome to the not-so-thrilling conclusion to what is probably the most boring action movie ever. A friend of mine – who has never seen the movie, but faithfully reads the blog – commented that it seems like the most boring movie ever. B.P. is right. It’s boring as fuck, and almost nothing seems to happen. There’s pretty strong evidence in support of this considering that I’m covering about 36 minutes per episode in only about 2,000 words, whereas the 22 minute cartoon episodes would often take over 3,000 words. Anyway, we left off with Skeletor’s arrival on Earth. As the henchmen flow through the portal, He-Man and Man-At-Arms are horrible shots with their laser pistols, but eventually He-Man manages to explode one of them. Murder!

003 1 Poppin Caps

Under pursuit, He-Man and crew duck into a building and head upstairs. One of the glider goons is slowly passing by the windows of the upper floor looking for them, when He-Man lets loose murdering him. He-Man then leaps out of the window and steals his glider. You can’t have a movie about He-Man with Dolph Lundgren in it, and not have him kill people and break through glass panels. It’ll be interesting to see what He-Man’s murder count is in this film. By now every one else has gotten up on the roof and are wondering where He-Man is. He goes flying by on the glider with some awful special effects and every one is like, “Oh, there he is”.

003 2 Kickin Ass Bustin Glass Gif

He-Man swoops in on Evil-Lyn, Beastman and Karn’s location, firing wildly, killing a bunch of troops (seriously, it may not be possible to count how many murders he racks up!). He buzzes around getting all the main villains turned around and confused, then he dives in and uses Gwildor’s grappling hook to snatch the Cosmic Key. “Noooooooooooooo!” shouts Evil-Lyn. Beastman fires on him, but it’s futile; He-Man escapes easily.

003 3 Nooooooooo!

Meanwhile, Skeletor continues his very slow-paced advance down the human street while music reminiscent of the Imperial March plays. He-Man heads in that direction, dodging the laser blasts of an on-coming glider goon. He pulls a Maverick and goes inverted, confusing the glider goon as to where he went waaaaay more than it should have. He-Man uses his advantage to come down behind him, then straight up MURDERS the guy with his power sword, which I think is a first in the history of He-Man. He always employed indirect means of murder in the cartoon. In fact, he was not allowed to strike a living creature with his sword by whatever the children’s show authority was. He-Man is chasing down another glider goon, but it’s a trap, as we hear Skeletor speak to the goon on the radio and tell him to lead He-Man to him.

003 4 Sword Murder Gif

Nearby, Gwildor is not picking up the Cosmic Key on his tracker. Teela is worried about He-Man, but Man-At-Arm assures her that He-Man is fine – he’s worried about whether they’ll get out of there before Skeletor finds them. As he says this, Skeletor’s floating throne slowly rises up behind them. Skeletor announces himself and they all turn and shoot at him. He’s protected by a force field however, and orders them to throw down their weapons. Man-At-Arms goes first, and barely even hesitates. It’s probably for the better, because they are fast being surrounded by soldiers moving in behind them. Skeletor has a special hard-on for punishing Gwildor, telling him, “I have such plans for you.” Gwildor is insolent and tells Skeletor he will never “worship the Lord of Snake Mountain,” and that he should “wait ‘til He-Man gets here”.

003 5 Found You

Pretty much right on queue, He-Man comes gliding in. Julie tries to warn him that it’s a trap, but she’s too late. He-Man gets knocked off his glider and drops the Cosmic Key. When he goes for it, Skeletor zaps him and it while the soldiers move in to capture him. He-Man leaps up, kicks a few guys, then starts grunting “Hah-whoo-a, hah-whoo-a” as he starts hacking fools apart with his power sword while heroic music plays. Finally he is overwhelmed as the soldiers hog pile on him. Just when you think it’s over, he bursts out from under them flinging them everywhere. Skeletor shouts, “Enough!” and He-Man stops and listens. Skeletor tells him that if he doesn’t submit, his friends will die. They are all well covered by enemy weapons. Skeletor offers that if He-Man returns to Eternia with him, his friends will be spared.

003 6 Die Motherfucker Die

He-Man immediately gives up and allows himself to be cuffed. He says, “I’ll go. I don’t want any more people to die.” Which is a funny thing to say because, I haven’t actually seen Skeletor kill… okay, well there was Saurod, but that’s it. He-Man has killed dozens by now. He-Man goes peacefully. When he’s out of earshot, one of the soldiers asks what he should do with the other captives. Skeletor actually keeps his word and tells them to let the captures go. He figures He-Man will continue to be cooperative if he knows his friends are safe.

003 7 Captured

As He-Man and Skeletor are leaving through a portal, all are gathered around Julie. She’s not feeling so well. Man-At-Arms says that Skeletor’s magic does this – it’s poisonous and infects you – and they need to get back to Eternia. They still have the Cosmic Key, but Gwildor says the power core has melted down because of Skeletor’s magic blast. “There’s no way home. No way,” Gwildor says. They cover her with He-Man’s cape and head down to the street to get her some water from the fountain. But like, a decorative fountain, not like a drinking fountain, or a bubbler, as they call it in Wisconsin.

003 8 Were Never Getting Out of  Here

As soon as Skeletor’s forces are gone and the portal is closed, Detective Lubic shows up with a whole squadron of cops. “All right, Lubic, where’s the army?” one of the officers ridicules, “Will you shaddup? They were here, I’m telling ya! It’s the damndest thing you ever saw!” Lubic shouts. Well, at least it doesn’t seem like he told them they were a bunch of aliens, or beings from another dimension. Over at the fountain, they uncover Julie’s wound, and it’s pretty nasty. Kevin looks like he’s going to faint, or barf, or barf and then faint. Kevin asks what’s going to happen to her. Somberly, Teela says that the poison is already in her blood, and the wound is just going to keep spreading. Right then, I pictured the scene in Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, in which the dude eats out his girl, and comes back up and says, “Wow, you’re really wet”, and his face is covered in blood because her body is practically melting off. You’re welcome for that.

003 9 Whoa Thats Fuckin Nasty

003 9 Dont- Puke Dude Gif

Well, unfortunately, only the Sorceress can fix her, and they can’t get back, so she’s fucked. Kevin is desperate, “There’s, got to be a way!” he says, he looks desperately between all of them. “Gwildor?” he asks, pleadingly. Gwildor shakes his head. “Opening a dimensional door is easy,” he says, “You just have to know the tones.” The thing is, Skeletor knows what he was doing, and he fired the memory too. Even if they could get the Cosmic Key working again, they could search forever and never find the right tones. Wait, a minute, wait, a minute, Kevin says, “The tones? Dude, I’m a fucking musical genius prodigy that thought the thing was a Japanese synthesizer in the first place. I got that shit memorized! Can I play it on a Casio and the same thing will happen?”

003 10 Genius Musical Prodigy

Kevin stands up and whistles. He starts and stutters the tune a few times and then he gets it. “How did you do that?” Gwildor says. “Well, if I hear a tune a couple times, I can usually remember it,” Kevin says. Gwildor gets all excited. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a song maker? Are you a master?” Without waiting for an answer, he says, “Yes! Yes, you are! I know that, eh-heh-heh-heh. That’s why the fates brought us here. The final chord, Kevin, pull it out of the air for us!” Kevin shits all over himself at the pressure, “You got the wrong song maker. I’m just a stupid keyboard player in a high school band,” he says. Gwildor challenges him to pull the last chord out of his ass for them instead. Man-At-Arms gives the climactic, plot-turning speech, “Listen people. In half a chrono, we’re not going to have a Sorceress to come home to. So if you know how to do something, you better do it.”

003 11 If You Can Carry a Tune You Better

“Gwildor, Kevin knows the tones. Can you get us home or can’t you?” Teela asks, plainly. Gwildor agrees he can. Gwildor needs several random parts that I’m not even going to try and spell or list – just rest assured, that between all of them, it turns out they have the random parts that Gwildor needs. I thought he said the power supply was fried, how are they going to fix that? All the sudden between Man-At-Arms and Teela, they have all the parts they need to fix the Cosmic Key, and then coincidentally, Kevin is a self-doubting musical genius that has memorized the sonic code to get back to Eternia and save Julie from being a victim of Cabin Fever? Wow, this movie sure has taken a strange fucking turn in the third act. It’s almost become horror, in my mind. Well, that’s appropriate, considering this will nearly bring the project to a close in October, shortly before Halloween.

003 12 Here to Save the Universe Is Kevin

In Eternia, a shirtless He-Man is dragged into the throne room before Skeletor. Skeletor simply says, “I win.” The time is drawing near when the planets alignment will be correct and allow Skeletor to take on the power of Castle Grayskull. Skeletor taunts the Sorceress, reminding her that she will cease to exist when this happens. She has grown very old already and looks like an old hag. Skeletor takes He-Man’s power sword from Blade and slides it into a special holder by his throne, locking it in place. He tells He-Man to bow before him. He-Man vehemently refuses to EVER bow before Skeletor. Blade uses an energy whip on He-Man to whip some submission into him.

003 13 Whip It Whip It Good Gif

Back on Earth, Gwildor is getting shit set up when Kevin comes back with a keyboard from Charlie’s. How a keyboard survived the battle there, I have no clue. Unfortunately, Lubic saw him on the way and is headed in their direction with his officers. Gwildor fucking loves the keyboard and is impressed that people have music making machines. Julie isn’t doing so hot. She’s writhing in pain. Kevin tells her he loves her and touches her head affectoinaltely. Lubic and his officers approach stealthily, Lubic’s shotgun drawn. He has the officers hold back as he moves in, on account of his personal vendetta.

003 14 Here to Fuck the Day

In Eternia, Blade is finishing up whipping He-Man, and his back is shredded and bloody. Skeletor tells him that when He-Man dies, Skeletor will be reborn. Outside, Skeletor’s giant hologram appears in front of everyone. He announces that he stands before the defeated traitor, and he, Skeletor, will transform before their very eyes. Skeletor announces that he is the Master of the Universe! Just then a big dilating door opens behind him and three yellow balls of light come through and Skeletor absorbs them, yellow electricity coursing through him. He rants about how powerful he is now, how he can feel the universe coursing through him. He tells He-Man to kneel, which he doesn’t. Skeletor says that He-Man is no longer his equal, “I am a god!” Skeleotr shouts! In a final burst of yellow light, Skeletor emerges with a golden mask and starts blasting He-Man with energy from his eyes while shouting, “Kneel,” over and over.

003 14 I Am a Golden God

Gwildor fires up his jimmy-rigged Cosmic Key and it seems to be working. Kevin starts playing the sequence just as Lubic runs up with his shotgun to muck the whole thing up. He reaches forward to fuck with the machine just as the portal opens. We cut to Eternia where Skeletor is slowly approaching He-Man, taunting, “Where are they? Where are your friends now? Tell me about the loneliness of good, is it equal to the loneliness of evil?” I think Skeletor is making a pass at He-Man. Just then, right on queue, He-Man’s friends appear, complete with half the car, part of a brick wall, and the concrete slab they were on. The troops turn their guns on the new arrivals and Lubic says, “Holy Shit.” For real.

003 15 Heres My Friends

They open fire on the new arrivals and He-Man shouts at Skeletor, “You promised not to hurt them!”. “I lied,” Skeletor grins. I’d like to argue that the deal was probably contingent on the humans staying on Earth and not interfering further. I think Skeletor is in the right to try and take them out. Lubic opens up with the shotgun and He-Man uses some stray laser blasts to break the chains that bind him, then he starts kicking ass. He-Man hides behind a giant statue, then pushes it over. I’m not really sure why. Then, he grabs a streaming curtain and uses it to swing over to Skeletor’s throne. He tries to grab his power sword, but every time He-Man reaches for it, Skeletor zaps him, repeatedly, every time. He finally powers through the pain and pulls the sword free. For the first time in the whole movie, He-Man yells, “I have the power!”, the sword flashes, and then it’s time to fight Skeletor.

003 16 I Have The Power Gif

“Let this be our final battle!” Skeletor shouts. He-Man swings his power sword and Skeletor swings his staff. The two cross in a flash of sparks; purple and yellow lights cutting through each other. All the lights go out and flames rise up from the floor. The forces of good and evil are backlight by color changes floor spot lamps while the two clang their metal weapons together. It’s very obvious that they are only trying to clang their weapons together instead of strike each other. Surprisingly, it pays off, because with a mighty blow, He-Man breaks Skeletor’s staff and he shouts out as he loses his golden-god garb and heightened powers and turns back into regular old Skeletor.

003 17 Blood Sweat and Fire

003 17 Back to Normal

He-Man says, “Skeletor. It’s over.” “Yes…. For you!” Skeletor says as he draws a sword and lunges at He-Man. He manages to knock the power sword from He-Man’s hand, which sends it sliding over a ledge. He-Man dives for it and catches it just in time. Without it, he’d just be shirtless and unarmed. He-Man spins around just in time to block Skeletor’s swing. He manages to dodge the next, then rolls up to his feel and around behind Skeletor in a swift move, swinging at him hard a few times, thus knocking Skeletor over the ledge instead, where he falls to his mother fucking death as he screams, “No! No! No!” in a high pitched voice that sounds nothing like Frank Langella.

003 18 Falling To Death Gif

Once Skeletor is dead, the lights turn back on and the dilating door closes. The force field lifts off the Sorceress, and she turns young again. Gwildor, Man-At-Arms and the gang start yelling, “Victory!”. He-Man turns around with a boyish smirk on his face then, slowly, in his deepest voice, says, “Victory.” We cross fade to a little later, all the rebel troops are standing around and He-Man has his clothes back on, by which I mean a leather chest strap. Lubic has already made himself at home, seated to the left of the Sorceress on her throne, with a Madonna ho on his lap. He announces he has no intention of going home, “Look what I got here, I got, I got a castle, I got a beautiful view, clean air, I got a beautiful woman, ah?” Dude, how the fuck did Lubic come to possess the castle in one afternoon, much less a woman? What is going on here?

003 19 Madonna Ho

003 19 Get Her Lubic

The Sorceress stands up and gives Julie a special orb and tells her that if she keeps it with her, Eternia will always be near. She starts saying a teary good-bye to everyone, but Teela stops her and tells her to say, “Good journey,” instead. So she does. Before they go, Gwildor is like, “Are you sure you don’t wan to go back in time? I can send you in your planet’s history?” Kevin poops on that idea, and he’s like, no, man, ‘the fuck for? Just send us home. Julie’s all high from the hug she just gave He-Man so she starts skipping through the portal, and just as she’s slipping though, she turns around and shouts in horror, “No, wait! Gwildor, send us back! Send us back!” as she realizes that she just wasted her chance to stop her parents from dying, and to be stuck a year earlier as a doppelganger of herself.

003 20 Good Journey

She wakes up in bed in a very frocky nightgown, a dog barking, a photo of her parents by her bed. Clearly Gwildor was smart enough to know to send her back anyway, because she’s obviously in her parent’s house. She comes down stairs and finds her parents. They’re getting ready to head out to Catalina. She starts crying and begs them not to go, says she has a bad feeling about it. Her mom says, “Don’t worry, your father’s an excellent pilot, and it’s a short flight.” No, he’s not an excellent pilot, lady. Julie grabs the keys to the plane, says, “I love you,” then runs out the door in her unsightly night gown.

003 21 Your Fathers An Exellent Pilot

Outside on the street, Kevin shouts her name from down the street. They run up to each other and hug. Kevin says, “Don’t let your parents get on that plane.” Julie assures him she won’t. They quickly discover they both remember their adventure in Eternia, and Kevin holds up the gem that the Sorceress gave them. In it, Castle Grayskull appears, and then He-Man appears in front of it and lifts his power sword aloft and shouts, “I have the power!” The camera fades to white, then to the stars where the credits roll. They should have made him appear in front of Castle Grayskull like this when he uttered the magic words back in Skeletor’s throne room. I almost mentioned that earlier.

003 22 Castle Grayskull

~Fin

He-Man Murder Rank Achieved:  Killing Machine

The Movie:

Well that’s it, that’s the movie. Remember when I said that I thought Dolph Lundgren did a good job as He-Man? I still think that’s true, but I have to qualify it – I meant he was a good He-Man for this movie, which was bad. I’ve heard rumors that some are trying to get a He-Man reboot movie off the ground. I hope it learns from movies like Guardians of the Galaxy, or Avatar, and they realize they need to keep the movie in Eternia and make it a fantasy film, not a Sci-Fi movie.  The makers of this film really succeeded in failing to capture the spirit of the show.  It had none of the magic.  It was watered down too much in an effort to make the movie more relatable, and what was left was nothing.

Let’s face it, back in the 80s, they weren’t that good at adapting cartoon and comic book properties to live action. They just didn’t have the technology or the vision for it yet. I don’t even know what they did with this story. It was a hot mess. They dumped all of the lore of He-Man, brought him to Earth to “ground” the movie, made up awful new characters, threw in tons more fighting, a little cursing and more kills, and then managed to make it boring and uninteresting. I don’t think I laughed even once.

F-

Thank you for reading, friends. Those are all the reviews of He-Man I committed to, which basically concludes the project. I’ll be back next week for my final post – a look back and decompression on this 2 ½ year project.

IMDB Listing Masters of the Universe