Watch “The Secret of the Sword” Free

All right, loyal readers, its overtime! Let’s get this fucker put to bed. I’m pretty sure the theme song that’s playing in the intro is from She-Ra’s show, but I can’t be sure. I know I’ve seen some of She-Ra’s own show but it hasn’t been since I was a kid. I have a feeling that, despite this special’s name, this is not going to reveal any secrets about the sword at all. Maybe I’ll be surprised, but I kind of doubt it. After the long intro, we open on Castle Grayskull where the Sorceress is tossing and turning in her bed. She’s having a nightmare about that time Hordak stole a baby and ran away with it forever. The Sorceress wakes up in a start and cries out the name Adora. The power sword, or apparently one of them, as this one has a jewel in the center, appears and floats across the room. The Sorceress follows the sword. It zaps open a door, then falls to the ground. The Sorceress picks up the sword and says, “Could it be? After so long?” then we fade out.

000 1 The Baby is Mine

000 1 Its Not Just a Dream

We cut over to Prince Adam in the Royal Kitchen. Cringer is bitching because Prince Adam isn’t done making his “famous spiced bread”. It’s so famous, we’ve never even heard of it. Suddenly the Sorceress telepathically communicates with Prince Adam. As usual, she doesn’t tell Prince Adam what is wrong, just that him to come quickly. At Castle Grayskull, the Sorceress explains that the door that has opened has never opened before. “And you want me to pass through it and find someone in the world it leads to?” Prince Adam asks a little incredulously. The Sorceress swears that she would go herself, but she can’t leave the castle, except as a bird. She gives Prince Adam the new power sword that had appeared and tells him that it will lead him to the person he seeks, because, wouldn’t you know it, she can’t tell him who he’s looking for.

000 2 The Sword and the Nighty

000 2 Lady Power Sword

Prince Adam kind of likes this power sword a little better than his on account of the jewel in it. It’s fancy, like him. The Sorceress tells him that like his sword, it’s meant for someone special. “But how?” Prince Adam asks. “Adam, please, with the fucking questions!” the Sorceress says, exasperated. Prince Adam finally shuts his trap and sheaths the new sword behind his back. I’m surprised his own power sword wasn’t already occupying the sheath since he always seems to have it with him otherwise. He turns to Cringer and asks if he’s ready for an adventure. Cringer is only ready for lunch. The Sorceress steps forward, ready to be done with this bullshit, and tells Prince Adam to enter the gate now. Now!

000 3 Enter the Gate Doofus

On the other side of the gate, it looks a lot like Trolla – colorful plants, a pleasant atmosphere; overall Prince Adam comments that it seems like a nice place. He spots a village so he and Cringer make their way over. Prince Adam comments specifically on The Laughing Swan Inn, saying that it sounds like a happy place. Cringer adds that it smells nice too and licks his lips, probably imagining getting a live swan’s neck in his mouth to chew on and shake around a bit. When Prince Adam and Cringer enter, everyone turns and stares at him. In the back, that guy from the Christmas special with the heart on his chest sits shrouded in his cloak. He speaks to his butterfly-eared flying koala thing, discussing whether these strangers are spies for the horde or not. The koala bear thing doubts it because these strangers are smiling a lot.

000 4 Live Swans Sound Tasty

Someone comes up to take Prince Adam’s order, and asks if the cat will have anything. Cringer orders fish, and the guy is surprised that Cringer talks. “Doesn’t everybody?” Prince Adam says. Outside an actual horde spy stands, armored, slapping a baton against his hand. As Prince Adam and Cringer are about to enjoy their food, three of the Hordesmen step inside and look around suspiciously. The aptly named “Bow” (the mustached guy with the heart on his chest) sets on edge and expands his collapsible bow under the table. His butterfly koala warns Bow not to be rash. The Hordesmen pick up three guys seated at a table and toss them aside, taking their places. The harpist begins playing his peaceful song again, until one of the Hordesmen blasts his harp to bits because he doesn’t like this easy listening crap. The music maker calls him a wretch, which causes them to get in a fight.

000 5 Maybe Theyre Spies

Prince Adam steps forward and tells the Hordesman to back the fuck off and apologize. The Hordesman throws the music maker aside and goes after Prince Adam instead. Prince Adam ducks and flips the Hordesman into a basket. The other two move in, but Bow takes out their batons with an arrow, then steps in to help Prince Adam, revealing himself to be a rebel. Together Bow and Prince Adam take on the two remaining Hordesmen, resulting in all three of them upside down in baskets. Prince Adam and Bow make pleasant introductions until Kowl, the butterfly koala, suggests they leave before reinforcements show up. They scram to the Whispering Woods for safety. Bow tells Prince Adam he is now officially part of the rebellion.

000 6 Please Dont Hit Me

000 7 Best Friends

Elsewhere, some of Hordak’s minions are telling him of the humiliation three of his Hordesmen suffered back in the village. I recognize several of these characters, though I don’t remember their names, from toys I had as a kid. The bat-looking guy with four legs, as well as the alligator guy with suction cup hands and feet. That chick in the red and black does not look familiar to me though. Oh, there is also a chick with a black face like Orko’s that looks kind of familiar. She’s full length though, so if she’s one of Orko’s kind, she escaped before her legs got amputated at mid-thigh. Her name is Shadow Weaver, apparently. She tells Hordak that she senses a stranger that has brought a seed of great trouble for them. Her magic, however, can no longer detect him. Hordak has a plan to bring this troublemaker into the open. Hordak calls for Captain Adora then cackles and turns his arm into a laser cannon and blasts apart a statue for no discernable reason.

000 8 Familiar Villains

000 8 Shadow Weaver

After a screen wipe using the jeweled power sword, we cut to Bow riding on horseback with Prince Adam sitting behind him, his hands tenderly around Bow’s waist. It’s too bad these guys live on different worlds. I get the feeling they could be quite the couple. On the way through the forest, a little elf-like guy confronts every one. His name is Sprag, and he’s the rebel guard. Bow calls him off and tells him to run ahead and announce they have some new recruits for the rebellion. Bow enters the camp with his new friends, and Cringer shits on how quaint the camp is. Oh, sorry it’s not as nice as the Royal Palace! Bow admits their rebellion is small, then takes them into a tent to meet their leader, Glimmer. She starts talking to Bow, then turns to actually face them. When she sees Prince Adam, she stumbles with her words, then stops talking, saying, “oh….”, clearly smitten. Don’t bother, Glimmer. Bow has a better chance with him.

000 9 Romantic Horseback Ride Gif

000 9 Dont Bother Bitch Hes Mine

Outside, we hear Orko shouting, “Madame’s coming, madame’s coming!” Outside, an Orko-like witch flies in a little haphazardly on a broomstick. She crashes and falls to the ground. As Madame Razz grabs the sides of her face in a “oh, silly me” kind of way, her broomstick hops back and forth on it’s bristles, probably upset that he’s been crashed once again. Like Shadow Weaver, Madame Razz also has feet, but she does not have empty blackness for a face, so she may not be one of Orko’s race. She’s come to announce that the Horde has put the entire village of Claymore under arrest until those responsible for fighting the Hordesmen come forward. Otherwise, they will send the whole fucking village to the mines as slaves!!

000 10 As Clumsy as Orko

Prince Adam says he has a “friend” that just might be able to help so that they don’t have to turn themselves in, nor get an entire village indentured in to slavery. Since I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t have his usual power sword on him, I assume he will have to draw the bedazzled version and use it to transform. I can’t wait to see what happens. I hope that he’s wearing the toga dress that She-Ra would normally be wearing. We don’t get to find out just yet, as we screen wipe to Prince Adam in his typical street clothes watching from a distance while with his new rebel friends as a horde ship is boarding villagers to take them to the mines to spend the rest of their lives as slave miners.

000 11 Reconoitering the Rim

Down by the villager collector, Catra shits on the plan (cat-shit) because she doesn’t believe that the rebels will ever turn themselves in. Imp, the bat-like guy, says something I can hardly understand on account of his goofy speech affect. It sounded as if he was saying that they need some friends. Hunga the Harpy, the other woman in red, also has a fantastic attitude, and says that the captain will never allow it. Leach, that alligator-looking, suction-cup-hand-having reptilian is like, “Fuck that bitch, who gives a shit what the captain wants?” Just then, Captain Adora steps up and cracks the proverbial whip. Only a teeny tiny bit surprisingly, Captain Adora is none other than Princes Adora, the woman who would be She-Ra, and she’s a ranking member of the Horde’s army.

000 12 Captain Adora

Nearby, Bow has his signature weapon ready, and everything is in place. “I hope the spell Madame put on this arrow works,” Bow says to himself. He fires the arrow up into the sky and it makes a bunch of fireworks, which distract everyone. Glimmer steps out and blasts Hunga the Harpy, then commands her squad of rebel villagers to, well, rebel. Imp’s eyes pop out of his head (I think the toy did that too) and some force emits from them that cause the rebels to collapse on the ground. Catra lowers her mask and turns into a purple panther (no, not Panthor) and goes after Glimmer. Glimmer teleports out for a blip, causing Catra to miss her. Only, when she reappears, Leach comes up from behind her and claps his freaky suction cups around the sides of her head.

000 13 Bug-Eyed Imp

000 13 Look Out Behind You

Bow confronts Leach as he’s using his suction cups to pump Glimmer’s brains out of her ears, surely. Bow takes aim with his bow and arrow, but Catra tackles him first, knocking him to the ground. Hunga the Harpy approaches him and levels her scorpion-like tail at him while she pinches her claws at him threateningly. Prince Adam sees all this going down and finally pulls his sword and says his magic words. I looked very carefully, and it is not the bejeweled power sword, but instead, it’s his usual power sword, which is occupying the holster that the bejeweled power sword was in when he set out on this mission. Maybe the secret of the sword is that it can physically occupy the same space and time as the boy version. Nearby, Leach has completed sucking everyone’s brains dry. Captain Adora declares it a job well done, but He-man shows up and challenges them, “You haven’t won yet.”

000 14 Brain Sucking Gif

Captain Adora fires at He-Man with a shock rifle, but he easily deflects it back at them, striking Leach, electrocuting him. Battle Cat takes on Catra, and I’m kind of hoping that Battle Cat sexually dominates Catra as well. That’s what animals do when they win fights, right? Hunga the Harpy goes after He-Man but he catches her by the claws and holds her tight while he dodges her tail. He spins her around by the claws until he flings her into a watermelon cart. Even though she’s turned back into her human form, Catra runs for her sexual sanctity as Battle Cat is still chasing her around. He-Man is running around with the proper sense of urgency until Imp’s bug eyes catch He-Man with their beams, weakening his sense of balance, causing him to fall to the ground. Sprag jumps into the scene and fires his cross bow, hitting Imp with a pepper dart. His monstrous sneeze launches him far across the room.

000 15 Get her Battle Cat

Captain Adora levels her weapon at He-Man again and tells the rebel to stand down. He throws his power sword at her and knocks the gun away. The sword bounces off and Battle Cat catches it. He-Man continues in pursuit. Captain Adora leads him into a hut and picks up a sword off the wall. She attacks He-Man, so he draws a sword from his sheath. Except that, he never got his power sword back from Cringer. Indeed, as he draws the sword, we can see the jewel on it glint. It really doesn’t look like two swords could fit in that sheath. He-Man swats at Captain Adora with it, breaking the sword she had. As he holds her at bay with the bejeweled sword, the sword becomes electrified with a purple light. He-Man looks at the jewel and notices a glint that flashes Adora’s face in it. He-Man freezes in his tracks. “Why you… You’re the one I came to find,” He-Man says. “Is that so?” comes Adora’s wry reply. Suddenly a Hordesman blasts He-Man from behind, rendering him unconscious. Captain Adora picks up the sword, claiming both He-Man, and “this curious sword” as her spoils of war.

000 16 The Sword is Mine

At the rebel camp, at Glimmer’s behest, Madame Razz is trying to use a spell to locate He-Man (Prince Adam who? Forget that chode.). Glimmer really wants to find He-Man. He’s dreamy. Her spell works and reveals that he’s somewhere on Beast Island. The rebels head out and we cut to He-Man, bound to a slab with glowing chains. Adora enters and tells him the chains are magically charged to resist even He-Man’s power. Even though she really wouldn’t know what the limitation of his power. Anyway, she introduces herself as “Forth Captain Adora” and wants to know who He-Man is. She tells him that she likes his sword, and wants to know more about it, especially the part about how it was meant for her.

000 17 I Want You To Put Me on the Wheel

He-Man says he thought it was meant for her, so Adora wants to know why he changed his mind. He-Man explains the sword was meant for someone who fights on the side of good, so its pretty obs that it’s not her, since she’s wicked evil. Adora takes pretty good offense when He-Man says she’s evil. She insists that she fits for the rightful lawmakers, and goes on to say, “Evil? You fight for the rebels! YOU’RE the evil one!” He-Man is like, “Uh. Dude, haven’t you seen the way the Horde treats people?” As it would happen, she hasn’t. She’s always training all the time, so she just believes what ever they tell her. He-Man challenges her to go on a tour of Etheria, and then tell him he’s wrong… unless she’s chicken! Buck-bagaw-buck-buck-buck-bagaw! Adora says only that she’ll think about it.

000 18 It Doesnt Count if You Dont KNOW Hes Your Brother

Meanwhile, Glimmer, Bow, and Kowl are cruising along in a small, cozy little flying pirate ship when they approach Beast Island. Madame Razz and Broom are on board as well, and are just about to ready for descent. Hordak comes out of nowhere, also bound for Beast Island, and spots the rebels. He heads right for them, trying to knock them out of the sky. Hordak manages to take out the good guys, then continues on his way to Beast Island to encounter the stranger being held captive there. After they crash land, Glimmer teleports everyone to Beast Island. Afterward, she’s wiped from the ordeal and must rest. Battle Cat offers his back for her to ride on while they continue on their way to catch He-Man.

000 19 Stay With Us Glimmer

In the chambers where Captain Adora is holding He-Man, Shadow Weaver is hearing her report. Hordak steps forward and remarks about how proud of Adora he is. “Thank you, mighty one,” she says. Adora asks for leave to go do “something”. Hordak agrees, but as soon as she’s gone, Shadow Weaver speaks in his ear. She detects a disturbance in Captain Adora, and suggests she should be watched. Hordak does not take her warning, suggesting its all on the up and up; between Shadow Weaver’s spells and his smarts, they got this. Shadow Weaver isn’t convinced.

000 20 We Got This Babes

As the gang marches through the swamp, Madame Razz bitches about the silence, only wanting some conversation. They all hear a great roar from somewhere, which I doubt is the silence breaker Madame Razz was hoping for. A great monster is headed their way. Battle Cat leaps at it, the first to attack, but he doesn’t do much more than to provide a little distraction. Bow shoots down a big cluster of vines, but it won’t distract him long. Bow asks Madame Razz for a spell, so she does a spell in which she tells the vines to be gone. Yep, she’s just as dense as Orko, maybe more so. The vines disappear, and so, they all run for it because the monster is free. Bow trips, but once again, Battle Cat intervenes and scares off the monster.

000 21 Horrid Monster

Elsewhere, Adora is snooping around, telling guards that she’s on a secret mission for Lord Hordak so they let her in places she shouldn’t be. She tells herself she’s here to prove He-Man is lying and that Hordak is totally a good guy. She enters the mines and sees first hand all the terror and abuse the slave miners are made to suffer. She even sees such atrocities as throwing a thirsty man into a stale underground pond. Captain Adora is mortified at what she’s discovered and her eyebrows get all angry looking. Outside the mines, Glimmer appears and takes out two of the guards using their electric batons against them, clearing the way for the rest of the rebels to enter and try to free all of the slaves.

000 22 Angry Adora

Will Captain Adora see through the bullshit and join He-Man’s side? Will she find out she’s his sister before she does something she’ll regret? Will Hordak prove too powerful a villain, even against two magically super-powered siblings? Tune in next week to find out!

To Be Continued…

He-Man murder count:
Season 1: 19
Season 2:   4

Episodes missing Skeletor:
Season 1: 28
Season 2: 26

It’s too early to call this special for Skeletor’s participation, this is just the end of Act 1.

IMDB Cast List:
John Erwin: Prince Adam, He-Man, Beast Man
Melendy Britt: Princess Adora, She-Ra, Catra, Hunga the Harpy
Alan Oppenheimer: Skeletor, Man-At-Arms, Cringer, Battle Cat, Bald Rebel, Chef Alan
Linda Gary: Teela, Queen Marlena, Sorceress, Shadow Weaver, Glimmer, Madame Razz
George DiCenzo: Bow, Hordak
Erika Scheimer: Queen Angella, Imp
Lou Scheimer: King Randor, Swift-Wind, Kowl, Mantenna, Horde Trooper, Kobra Khan, Trap Jaw, Tri-Klops, Broom, Sprag, Sprocker, Garv the Innkeeper, Bard, Messenger, Horde Computer , Leech

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