The only “Valley of Power” I know of is called cleavage, and somehow, I doubt this episode will be about that. We open on a green, mountainous valley, where some longhaired backpacker is hiking. His eyes are really strange. The part that should be white is black instead, and he has blue irises. He looks downright scary. I would definitely not like to run into this guy in the woods! Not surprisingly, he’s up to no good. He’s tracking a dragon so that he can steal its eggs to hold over it in ransom in order to force the dragon to obey him. So, I’m expecting we are going to have another episode without Skeletor. Why does it seem like just about everyone in Eternia is evil and wants to take over the damn place, with the exception of the denizens of the Royal Palace and a few people that are aligned with them?

Meanwhile, Prince Adam, Teela and Cringer are coincidentally wandering around the same valley looking for a miniature snow hawk, because all the sudden they are into ornithology. The dragon, Mother Roe, that the villainous hiker was looking for swoops down on them before continuing on. Teela explains to the terrified Cringer that she is the protector of the Valley of Power. Cringer nearly falls off a cliff, which gives Prince Adam a good opportunity to abuse him more by hauling him up by his tail. After Cringer nearly gets his tail pulled off, Teela explains that there’s a magical spring in the valley that only rises once every 1,000 years, and if he drinks from it, it will make him as brave as He-Man and Battle Cat. It just so happens that today is the day it rises. I wouldn’t think that Cringer would be interested because he IS Battle Cat, and he absolutely hates being transformed, and it is always against his will, but I’m shocked to hear him say that Battle Cat is his idol and he would love to be more like Battle Cat. Um, what?

The villainous hiker has reaches Mother Roe’s nest, puts the egg in his bag and takes off. Down below, Prince Adam, Teela and Cringer come upon the magical spring, but it is dry. Prince Adam gives Teela shit about it, but she blasts back saying that the Sorceress only said today was the day, but that she failed to pinpoint the exact moment. Overhead, Mother Roe has returned to her nest to discover her missing egg. Mother Roe sees Prince Adam and crew down below, jumps to the reasonable conclusion that they took her egg and launches an attack. As they scramble to avoid her, Teela notices “someone else in trouble” and helpfully dives in front of him, causing him to go sprawling.

After they all get up, she politely introduces herself and her friends to the villainous hiker, not realizing that he’s up to no good. Then the idiot asks Danavas, the hiker, if he’s there to gain extra power from the magic spring too. Well, the magic spring is news to him, because he was only there to gank Mother Roe’s egg. As it happens, gaining extra power from the magic spring suits Danavas just fine. As they all stand there chatting about how awesome gaining powers from a magic spring is going to be, Mother Roe returns, this time with a giant boulder to drop on them. Prince Adam decides its time to do something about the ticked off Mother Roe and runs off to turn into He-Man.

Mother Roe lets the boulder drop, but He-Man swings his sword like he’s the Babe Ruth of Eternia and smashes the boulder to bits. As Mother Roe makes another pass, Teela wonders what the fuck she’s so pissed off about, then happens to notice the huge dragon egg shaped bulge in his backpack. Danavas runs away just in time for Mother Roe to swoop down, snatch Teela and fly away to her nest with her. Since Teela is the only one that knows Danavas stole Mother Roe’s egg, Danavas runs over to He-Man and directs him to go save Teela as a ploy so he can obtain the power of the magic spring. As He-Man is charging up the mount on Battle Cat, as Mother Roe is about to destroy Teela, and as Danavas is rooting around looking for the magic spring, the whole valley begins to shake.

It’s enough to distract Mother Roe from Teela, who pokes her head over the side of the nest up above and shouts, “It’s happening”! Danavas happens to be kneeling right where the spring starts to trickle up through the ground and is in awe that the legend is true. Oh, get over it. Every legend in Eternia is true, every single one of them. The magic spring quickly fills up the immediate area. As Danavas washes his face in it, he fails to notice the backpack with Mother Roe’s egg in it swim off. For no discernable reason, the backpack opens revealing the egg. As Danavas poops in the new pond, finishing his hygienic routine, he starts to glow, and is confused. Dropping a steaming pile always feels good, but this is particularly good. Then he realizes that it’s the magic spring that’s responsible. Did he forget the whole part about magic powers already? Or maybe he just thought it had the magic power to clean even the smelliest mountain man.

What ever he thought, the egg hatches a green dragon, which grows to full size immediately because of the magic power of the spring. Danavas, whom I thought was a little dense, quickly realizes he has dominion over this new dragon, and it lowers its head for a little pettin’ and lovin’ on his head to prove it. Suddenly, the pool created by the spring disappears, meaning only Danavas and his new dragon friend have benefited from its power. His first act with this new power is to hop on the dragon and go after He-Man. He manages to snatch He-Man (there’s a lot of snatch in this episode!) and tries to fly him into mountaintops, but He-Man just kicks them to bits. Finally, Danavas tries dropping He-Man from a great height, but He-Man just… lands. And after all that, some strong winds blow him off the edge. He-Man. Moved by winds. Right.

As he hangs precariously from the cliff, he makes a really bad pun (guess what it was), then notices two of the dragon’s feathers stuck in the cliff wall above him. Do dragons have feathers? I always thought they were leathery. Anyway, dragons with feathers is more believable than what happens next. He-Man holds the feathers, flaps his arms and he actually flies with them. Not like, glides down to the ground, or controls his fall, but actually flies completely horizontally. Not only that, but he lands perfectly on the nest where Teela and Cringer still are. To top it all off, when he lands, he says it was fun. Danavas flies by and conveniently warns them that the Royal Palace of Eternia is doomed!

He-Man and Teela realize that every one at the Royal Palace, except for Orko, is out. They intend to try and save him, but then, to my delight, Mother Roe shows up again to give them shit and hopefully prevent them from stopping Orko’s death. Instead, Battle Cat apparently can understand what dragons say, and by extension, of course, they can understand him. Predictably, she tells Battle Cat that Danavas took her baby and she wants him back. I got news for you, Mother Roe, your baby ain’t no baby anymore! He-Man, Teela and Battle Cat don’t bother to argue semantics with Mother Roe and agree to help rescue her “baby”.

Danavas heads to the Royal Palace as he babbles to himself about how he will demonstrate his power and Prince Adam and the whole Royal Family will have to bow for him. Teela mounts up on Mother Roe and arrives at the palace, just as Danavas is attacking. Orko is hiding in his hammock, which Teela then rolls up and uses to string across two towers. Teela must have some magical powers of her own because that hammock is way longer now than it was before. Danavas mocks them, saying a rope won’t stop him, because he can just fly under it. Why he even bothers to fly through that area, I don’t know. Teela and Orko unfurl the hammock and that idiot Danavas flies right into it.

They fall to the ground, wrapped up in the giant hammock, but Danavas quickly cuts his way out with his sword. He-Man and Battle Cat are racing toward the castle when Mother Roe shows up to “give them a lift”. Somehow Battle Cat manages to ride on Mother Roe with He-Man. At the palace, Danavas’ dragon is fucking shit up, smashing turrets and causing general havoc. I don’t know why, but Teela and Orko are straddling a roof peak when some debris from a smashed turret causes Orko to fall over the side. He clutches the edge, begging for Teela to rescue him. Teela just says, “Dipshit, you can levitate”. Orko says “Oh, yeah”, and floats back up to the roof peak.

He-Man arrives and Battle Cat leaps from Mother Roe onto the “baby” dragon. At He-Man’s direction, Mother Roe takes Teela and Orko to the Sorceress for some advice. The Sorceress has been watching the whole thing in her magic mirror and begins making a potion to return the “baby” dragon to its baby state while she waits for Teela and Orko to arrive. She mixes a little anger reducer, some baby love, and… wait, what? Baby love? How do you bottle baby love? Story for another time, I guess. She also pours in some motherly understanding and a touch of baby’s cry. I don’t know how you bottle those either. I’d also like to point out that the first two and second two ingredients came from the same bottle.

As Teela and Orko approach Castle Grayskull atop Mother Roe, Orko loses his grip and goes sailing through the window. As he lays on the floor, dazed, some of the potion that the Sorceress made drips on his head. As the Sorceress gazes into the bottle of potion for no apparent reason, Teela comes strutting in. She finds the Sorceress holding Orko like a baby while he cries like an infant. He’s holding the bottle of potion, which seems like a really bad idea as babies are inclined to drink from bottles. Orko recovers quickly, and the Sorceress comparatively advises that the magic spring’s powers will wear off of Danavas soon as well. So, what do they need a potion for the “baby” dragon for, if the spring’s powers will wear off soon? Also, wouldn’t the potion also wear off quickly? There isn’t that much of it and it sure wore off of Orko fast.

At the palace, Battle Cat is creeping up from the back of the “baby” dragon toward Danavas. Danavas sees him and flies under an arch, knocking Battle Cat off. Battle Cat hangs onto the arch until Danavas comes back around and snatches him with the dragon’s legs. He-Man leaps onto the legs and says it’s time to call for reinforcements, which causes Danavas a lot of emotional discomfort. Heeding He-Man’s whistle, an unmanned wind raider flies under them. He-Man pries the dragon’s claw open and Battle Cat drops down into it. He-Man climbs up onto the dragon and wrestles Danavas and they both tumble toward the ground until He-Man whistles again, causing the wind raider to double back and catch them both.

After they land, Danavas is so happy to be back on the ground, that he actually kisses it. Teela shows up on Mother Roe with Orko and shouts to He-Man that she has the antidote for the “baby” dragon. Instead of securing Danavas, He-Man takes to the sky in a wind raider and Teela tosses the potion to him, which He-Man in turn throws into the open maw of the “baby” dragon. All the potion seems to do is make the dragon flash once and start chirping. Then Mother Roe flies off and they circle each other joyfully and fly away. It doesn’t even turn back into an actual baby. What the fuck? I thought the potion was supposed to reverse the magic effects of the spring, but instead it just makes the dragon fall in love with its momma again. During all this, Danavas apparently waited patiently for He-Man to come and put the cuffs on him. Danavan claims he’s learned his lesson and agrees to serve his time as long as he never has to fly again. What an idiot.

Time for this weeks moral! I think it’s going to be about how if you’re a smelly woodland bum with a fear of flying, and you happen to bathe and shit in a magical spring, thus being imbued with powers, your evil plan for domination should probably not involve flying on the back of a dragon. He-man comes on screen and babbles about how it’s fun to play in the woods, but you shouldn’t steal dragon eggs because it upsets the natural order. So, if you go hiking, pick up your granola bar wrappers, bury your turds, and don’t bathe or shit in any magical springs.

He-Man murder count: 13 and 1 attempted murder

 

Episodes missing Skeletor: 9

 

IMDB Cast List:

 

John Erwin: He-Man, Prince Adam

Alan Oppenheimer: Cringer, Battle Cat, Danavas

Linda Gary: Teela, The Sorceress

Lou Scheimer: Orko

Share →

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *