If I remember right, Dree Elle was that female Orko from several episodes ago. Orko was quite enamored with her. Looks like he might get another opportunity to try and score with her! Gross, was I just rooting for Orko? We open on Orko’s home planet that I can’t remember the name of, where one of Orko’s kind, who is considerably taller than any of them, is talking to Dree Elle and her brother. It would seem Trap Jaw showed up and blasted right through the vault wall and stole the Horn of Evil. Well, isn’t that unfortunate. Dree Elle resolves to go to the royal palace to tell Orko, which is a little strange, since this tall(ish) chap would seem to be a guard or a soldier or something and thus, more suited for this kind of duty.
Dree Elle’s bother questions how she’s going to get there seeing as how Eternia is on, like, the complete opposite end of the universe, and how the hell did Trap Jaw get out there so easy? Also, I thought Orko was from another dimension? I wish these writers could make up their mind, or remember what they’ve already made up, which is more likely the issue. Anyway, she’s going to use the magic pyramid Orko gave her to get there, and her brother – Yukkers – begs her to take him along. Oh, Jesus. This kid’s going to be worse than Orko, isn’t he? I can tell by the obnoxious, requisite ball cap that accompanied every adolescent boy’s head in the 80s, and because his name is Yukkers. She makes Yukkers promise not to tell any of his dumb jokes, but he crosses his fingers. I’m fucked.
On Eternia, Prince Adam is out cruising in Attak Trak with Man-At-Arms again. They come to a stop above a bluff, which over looks a city. Man-At-Arms has predicted a meteor shower is going to decimate this city, unless they use Attak Trak to blast the meteors out of the sky. Right, because Attak Trak could totally shoot down every meteor in a shower. Attak Trak makes a hubristic quip and then shoots the meteors out of the sky. Well, two of the three, and then he has a not-so-convenient malfucktion. With one meteor left, sure to destroy the city, Prince Adam has only one choice – waste time recycling animation cells so he can turn into He-Man.
By the time he’s done, the meteor has struck the top of a tower – and then dissipates harmlessly – causing the tower to crack and begin to topple. He-Man gets there when it has fallen to about a 45 degree angle, proceeds to take hold of the base at the point closest to the crack, where he would have little to no leverage to stop it at that angle, and yet manages to push it back up, which magically seals the cracks, as well. Attak Trak isn’t impressed and alleges he could do just as well, even though he just failed. Suddenly Man-At-Arms is concerned that there is no one back at the palace to protect the king and queen. Prince Adam points out that Orko is there, which is exactly what troubles Man-At-Arms. Isn’t Teela there? Is she still resigned from being Captain of the Guard? This show CAN’T have that level of continuity!
At the palace, just as Orko is about to gouge his own eyes out from pure boredom (God, would that be a blessing), Dree Elle and her stupid brother arrive in the magic pyramid. Sorry, Orko. If she brought her annoying little brother along, you’re never getting laid. Orko and Dree Elle share a long hug and even some Eskimo kisses, and then Orko tries to shake Yukkers’ hand. Yukkers punks Orko with a hand buzzer, which Orko totally should have seen coming for snogging a kid named Yukkers’ sister in front of a kid named Yukkers. Dree Elle gets right to the point and reveals that Trap Jaw and Clawful (who?) stole the Horn of Evil and are going to use it to take over Eternia. Orko correctly deduces that they will probably be trying to fuck up Castle Grayskull with it, and off they go.
At Castle Grayskull, Trap Jaw and a new character, Clawful, are indeed trying to fuck the place up with the Horn of Evil. I think maybe I remember this character and had the toy? God, I had way too many He-Man toys. Thanks, Mom and Dad! Look at your boy now! Trap Jaw and Clawful appear to have gone rogue as they agree to split their bounty and make no mention of including Skeletor in the divvy. Did Trap Jaw get fired or something? He’s gotten in trouble so many times, I guess that would make sense. As they argue over which of them will blow the horn, the Sorceress shows up in the window and demands to know which of Skeletor’s minions would dare fuck with Castle Grayskull.
Trap Jaw finally blows the horn and this sparkly black smoke comes out, which severely alarms the Sorceress. Orko, Dree Elle, and Yukkers show up just as the nasty black cloud (easily) overtakes the Sorceress. It happens so fast, she doesn’t even have time to telepathetically call to He-Man for help. Before Trap Jaw can blow the horn again, which apparently will cause the draw bridge to open, Orko snatches it and takes off. Orko, Dree Elle, and Yukkers race through the woods in a hurry until Orko realizes they’ve lost Yukkers. Good! Fucking leave him! I already hate him more than Orko, and he’s barely earned it for any legitimate reason! While they look for Yukkers, he punks them more than once, and then Trap Jaw and Clawful catch up to them and capture Orko and Yukkers, which seems pretty deserved.
At the palace, Prince Adam is telling Teela how awesome He-Man was today, and she’s clearly getting creamy over it. Dree Elle, having escaped, shows up and alerts them all to the trouble. Teela takes off on a sky bike, which affords Prince Adam the opportunity to recycle some animation for the second time this episode, which Cringer verbally objects to. Back in the Evergreen Forest, Trap Jaw has strung up Orko and Yukkers. Unfortunately, not by their necks. Actually, I don’t see how stringing either of them up would work, considering that they float.
Clawful is about to blow the horn again when Orko uses his magic to snatch the horn, shrink it, and deposit it in his hat. Clawful digs through Orko’s hat and finds all manner of things, including a claw trap, which reminds me of a joke about a farmer’s daughter… Clawful is about to shred Orko when Teela shows up, looking all serious with her hands on her hips. She tussles with them until Clawful releases some droids, which threaten to cut Teela’s tits off with their little propeller hands. Noooooooooooo! He-Man shows up and asks if he can “join the party” – really, he says that. I know he favors men, but I didn’t realize he was a violence-advocating misogynist!
To my relief, He-Man redeems his ambiguous and poorly chosen quip by attacking the bad guys. Orko finds a magnet in the pile of junk that came out of his hat and uses it to incapacitate the droids, thus saving Eternia’s national treasure: Teela’s Tits. Yukkers uses his hand buzzer to shock Trap Jaw, which distracts him long enough for Dree Elle to lasso him. He-Man finally overcomes Clawful and tosses he and the vehicle he came in into a tar pit. Oh, that’s refreshing! It’s been a while since He-Man tossed anyone into a tar pit.
Teela fills He-Man in about the Horn of Evil while Yukkers actually produces it from his hat. You see, there’s this thing called the Trollop (oh yeah, that’s the name of Orko’s land) Hat Switch. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Yukkers, as a joke, fakes like he’s going to blow the horn, but then he drops his sneezing powder and actually does, only by accident, because he’s a tool. I hate Yukkers almost as much as I hate Scrappy Doo, and I really, really fucking hate Scrappy Doo. Dree Elle giggles like she’s simple when a tree suddenly tries to rape Teela, “Evil Dead” style. Aren’t you excited about the Evil Dead remake? Yeah, I know, I’ve said that. I’m just that excited! Then He-Man saves her. Or, maybe he’s just trying to get fingered by the tree…
Rocks start turning into monsters, the sky turns as black as sackcloth, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria! He-Man actually looks pretty worried. There are werewolves and cyclopses, it’s getting pretty intense. This is turning more “Cabin in the Woods” than it is “Evil Dead”. The Sorceress appears and says the “song of the horn” is the only thing that can stop it, and, conveniently, Dree Elle discovers a parchment with music written on it hidden in the horn. Dree Elle tries to sing the song, but she can’t carry a tune, and so she can’t overpower the horn.
He-Man suggests that Orko and Dree Elle sing it together (which can only make things worse!) while he blows in the other end of the horn. Oh my God, I died laughing. I can’t believe that just happened, this show is really astonishing sometimes, and I don’t give credit enough for that. Orko and Dree Elle sing this song that is worse than I could have imagined. I swear I can’t hear Orko, which is merciful, but the song is just… so gooey. He-Man blows harder into the horn and werewolves turn into puppies, vampire bats into sparrows and dogs and cats quit living together. When he’s done, He-Man looks pretty damn satisfied with himself. He pretty much made rainbows by blowing a horn really hard. He-man gets all modest and insists that it was their mood music that really did it.
Back at the palace, King Randor is bestowing congratulations on Orko for not being the cause of a disaster for once. Orko presents Dree Elle with a gift, which is an exact copy of his hat. That’s just what she wants, a man’s hat. Yukkers demands a gift as well, so Orko gives him another one of his hats, but this one is a trick and it dumps water on Yukkers. Every one tells Yukkers that he’s an asshole, and once he’s broken enough, Dree Elle gives him a hug. With that, they unceremoniously say good-bye and Dree Elle and Yukkers leave in the magic pyramid. I’m not sure why they can’t stay for a while, but I’m not sad to see Yukkers go, and you know what? Orko doesn’t deserve to get laid.
Time for this week’s moral! I think it’s going to be about how Teela’s Tits should be protected at all costs, and that Scrappy Doo sucks my anus. Instead Orko comes on screen to tell us that it’s dangerous to play with Horns of Evil and knives and matches and glasses and tools, so play it safe, play with your self.
He-Man murder count: 17 and 1 attempted murder
Episodes missing Skeletor: 20
IMDB Cast List:
John Erwin: He-Man, Prince Adam
Alan Oppenheimer: Cringer, Battle Cat, Man-At-Arms
Linda Gary: Teela, The Sorceress, Dree Elee
Lou Scheimer: Orko, King Randor, Trap Jaw, Clawful, Attak Trak, Trollan, Peasant
Man, did Lou pull some extra duty this episode! Seriously, John Erwin couldn’t have taken on one or two of those voices?