Watch “Battle of the Dragons” Free

We open on the Royal Palace where Prince Adam and Man-At-Arms are preparing to go meet up with Granamyr. If you’ll recall, Granamyr is an ancient, human disliking dragon that He-Man made friends with. Man-At-Arms finishes tuning up the wind raider and explains that they’re going to Dragon Smoke to celebrate the anniversary of the treaty between dragons and humans. Whoa!! Is that continuity!? Barely, but I’ll let it pass. Prince Adam is remarking that it’s too bad that Orko can’t come (No, it’s not. Plus, Granamyr hates Orko). Man-At-Arm says that Granamyr only wants to talk to He-Man and Man-At-Arms. Okro has been eavesdropping and reasons that he doesn’t want to “talk” to Granamyr, just “see” him, and so he stows away while Prince Adam recycles some animation right there in the Royal Hanger. I have a strong suspicion that Orko is going to cause this so-called “Battle of the Dragons”.

249 1 Stow Away

Before they take off, He-Man says, “Remind me again what the terms of the treaty were?” The agreement was that dragons would withdraw from the world, and the humans could do what ever they want, so long as they leave the dragons alone. So, I guess it wasn’t continuity, because I thought maybe this treaty was forged the first time that we met Granamyr, but I guess not. Seems strange to invite some humans to celebrate a pact that says the humans will leave them alone. Elsewhere, in a cave, a dragon named Morning Star is cautioning a goblin named Targon not to try and “bargain” with him. They both say the name Targon way too many times, but in the midst of it, I gather that Morning Star has an evil plan and that Targon is here to serve it.

249 2 Youd Be a Kick Ass Duke

Indeed, Targon is to hand over the ice crystal so that Morning Star can put out the magic fire that gives Granamyr his power. Then he will take over Eternia (Oh, on the anniversary of the treaty? Nice touch) and will find some *small* roll for Targon to serve. Targon is mistrustful and wants to know what guarantee he has that Morning Star will be true to his word. Morning Star ominously replies that he’ll just have to trust him. Then, as soon as Targon hands over the ice crystal, Morning Star decides to test it, and, of course, uses it on Targon, freezing him solid. In Granamyr’s lair, the fire burns strong, right in the pit where Granamyr is usually residing. Morningstar pokes his head in the door, then lobs the ice crystal into the fire, running away as it freezes instantly.

249 3 Throwing Grenades Gif

As it turns out, Granamyr was “chilling” beneath the fire, and bursts angrily from beneath, “Who dare?! Who dares to invade my lair, put out my fire, and steal my magic?” Morning Star conveniently shows up and claims to have personally witnessed humans doing this heinous thing. In their wind raider, Man-At-Arms announces that they are nearly there. He-Man says, “If I know Granamyr, he’s probably got quite the welcoming committee,” which obviously shows he doesn’t know that cranky, human hating dragon very well at all. In Granamyr’s lair, another dragon announces that “humans” are approaching. As an aside, but right in front of everyone, Morning Star breaks the fourth wall and says, “Humans approaching? How fortunate for me, and how unfortunate for them.” He’s seriously like two feet from Granamyr. The dude is old, but I’m sure he would have heard that.

249 4 I Bet He Can Still Hear

Morning Star immediately orders the humans seized, as they must have been the ones to put out the fire. Granamyr tries to halt the aggression, saying they might be friends, but the attack dragons have already flown off to intercept the approaching wind raider. I had thought they had already landed, the way their arrival was announced before. Oh, yeah, Morning Star? The guys that haven’t even arrived yet are the ones that same humans that put out the magic fire? He-Man dips and dodges their fire blasts as Orko gets tossed around in the cargo hold. A fire blast hits the wind raider, damaging the wing. Lest they crash, He-Man crawls out onto the wing and bends it back, holding it there with his bare hands. You know, because his extra weight out on the wing is totally going to make the wind raider fly better.

249 5 Thatll Keep You in the Air

Man-At-Arms makes a crash landing, but mitigates it well enough. The dragon attackers notice this and head back to Dark Smoke. By now, Orko is banging on the cargo hold and is discovered. Man-At-Arms claims the wind raider can be repaired, which sounds like total bullshit. They make the most ridiculously complicated field repairs – without spare parts. Man-At-Arms announces that they’ll be walking the rest of the way to Dark Smoke. Up in Granamyr’s chambers, he wants to know if they made out the identities of the humans in the wind raider. Morning Star lies and says no. Morning Star calls for war and runs off with all the other dragons. Granamyr does nothing and decides to stay behind. Morning Star and his followers run off to, I don’t know, burn the world down.

249 5 You Tagged Along for the Walk

Granamyr is just kind of chilling when He-Man enters. “Oh, He-Man, it’s you my dragons shot at, and not those ‘other humans’,” Granamyr says. “What other humans,” He-man asks, confused. “Uh. I was asleep and some human put out the fire that fuels my magic. I fear there will be war between dragons and humans, soon,” Granamyr says, rather casually. It’s a little more serious than that, Granamyr; you know for a fact that there is an army of dragons on their way to burn Eternia down. Man-At-Arms says, “Couldn’t you stop them?” Granamyr kind of brushes this off and pretty much says his dragon brethren had a big hard-on for war and there was nothing that could be done to stop them from jizzing fireballs all over the planet. Plus he’s lost his magic, so there’s that.

249 6 Its No Big Deal

Orko asks if there’s anything that can be done to restore the magic fire. Ganamyr’s all like, “I don’t know. But if you get some flame from the ‘Flame of Shadows’, that’ll do it.” It sounds to me like he does know how to restore the flame. He can’t do it though because he doesn’t have his magic. The only thing that can summon the Flame of Shadows is magic. How fortuitous. Orko has magic. Yeah, this isn’t going to go well, but it’s the best option they’ve got. Granamyr opens a secret portal entrance to a subterranean passage way. He tells them to follow the “fire signs”, but warns them that the way is “dangerous, very dangerous”. He-Man doesn’t hesitate and they all sprint down the stairs. “Good luck, champion of Eternia,” Granamyr says.

249 7 Good Luck and Good Night

Down in the caverns, they immediately encounter a giant and hostile ice spider. It starts shooting webs at them and Man-At-Arms warns not to get hit they’ll be stuck there for a long time. Man-At-Arms lays down some cover fire while He-Man gets close, then uses the power sword’s boomerang capabilities to cut the web it’s on, causing the ice spider to fall and get all tangled up in its own web. Elsewhere, Morning Star is getting his troops all riled up with a rousing speech, “We are the strongest! We are most fit to rule the race of men! We, the dragons! There are none strong enough to oppose us! Our time is now!” he shouts. Seig heil! What a racist fuck.

249 8 Seig Heil

He-Man, Orko, and Man-At-Arms wander around some more. Orko rushes ahead and nearly gets himself burnt to a crisp by a couple of griffins that are guarding the entrance to the Pit of Shadows. “Only the good, and the wise, and the brave may pass into the Pit of Shadows,” they say, “Let us see if your goodness will shine as the sun”. It seems strange to me that you have to be “good” to pass into the pit of shadows, but at least He-Man is in luck. Aside from a few handfuls of murders, he’s as good as they come!

249 9 Griffin Guards

He-Man steps forth, is judged, and passes easily. Man-At-Arms steps forth and passes. Then it’s Orko’s turn. As they scan him, they repeat, “Only the good, the wise, and the brave may pass”. Orko has his arms crossed smugly and says, “I know, I know.”   Finally, one of the griffins says, “You may pass. Two out of thee ain’t bad”. Orko balks, incredulous, “Oh, yeah?” One of the griffins gets right down in his face and says, intimidatingly, “YEAH.” Orko mumbles and stutters as he says good-bye, waves, and takes off quickly. He joins He-Man and Man-At-Arms in front of the Flame of Shadows.

249 10 Smug Prick

249 10 OH YEAH

He-Man and Man-At-Arms ponder how they are supposed to get some of the fire back to Granamyr, and this is when I remember that he said they need magic to do it. So, Orko uses a spell, “Fire far and fire near, come with us to Granamyr”. A bubble emerges from his head and floats over to the fire, entering it. They all wait in anticipation, wondering if it will work. After a reasonable while, the bubble emerges and has indeed captured some of the flame within it. “Just what we need to get Granamyr’s fire going again,” Man-At-Arms says. “Now, let’s go before Morning Star starts a war,” He-Man replies quickly.

249 11 Great Balls of Fire

Sitting on a distant bluff, Morning Star sits with one of his soldiers, watching from afar has his dragon horde set fires and lay waste to a mountainside village. Morning Star is hella proud of himself. “If Granamyr could see this!” He says, gazing into a crystal ball necklace he’s wearing. Observing Granamyr’s empty chamber, he says, “but it seems Granamyr is too weak even to emerge from his pit.” Suddenly, the crystal ball tunes itself into He-Man, Orko, and Man-At-Arms walking along with their magic bubble, filled with magic fire. Morning Star flips and sends his soldier to make some more kabobs out of the villagers while he goes and tends to the threat at hand.

249 12 Setting Fucking Fires Gif

Back in the caverns He-Man and crew seem to have gotten lost. “Fuck this shit,” says He-Man before he recycles some animation and punches through a wall. Lo – he has punched right into Granamyr’s chamber, how convenient. Before anyone can take a step, Morning Star shows up reveals that he’s been behind the whole thing, and he will not abide their meddling. Orko flies over to Granamyr’s pit and starts hollering, tattling on Morning Star. The villain says that it’s useless, because without magic, all Granamyr can do is sleep. Before Morning Star can take the sphere with the magic fire, Orko puts it in his hat.

249 13 Its Too Powerful

The magic of the fire over powers him and he shoots around the room like a bottle rocket until he finally recovers a little control over himself. He uses the extra power to chase Morning Star out the door with energy blasts. Orko continues to spark and sputter like a windmill firecracker until he finally fizzles out. He falls to the ground and the sphere pops out of his hat and falls into Granamyr’s pit. The fire roars back to life, and instantly Granamyr’s appears in it saying, “The fire has returned. My magic is restored. I. Am. Granamyr.” You’d think he’d have to recharge or something. He gets right in Orko’s face and asks how it feels to have had a taste of “dragon power”. Orko says next time he’ll stay home and read a book, then passes out.

249 14 How Does it Feel

Elsewhere, more villages are burning as the displaced villagers look on and feel sorry for themselves. As He-Man flies alongside Granamyr, Granamyr assures He-Man that he can’t help resolve this and goes on to approach the rogue dragons on his own. He tells the dragons that Morning Star has fucking lied to them. They turn and ask Morning Star if it’s true. Morning Star starts ranting and raving like a lunatic about how “this is the dragon’s time!” He challenges Granamyr to the Test of Fire, in order to mete out their supremacy. Like a fiery pissing contest, they blow flames at each other, their respective streams meeting in the middle, pushing against one another. It’s a tense exchange, but Morning Star loses. He freely admits his treason and all of the other horrible things he’s done and begs forgiveness.

249 15 Pissing Contest Gif

The other dragons urge Granamyr to exercise his right to kill Morning Star, but Granamyr declines, opting for a more peaceful resolution. Even though Morning Star just caused a bunch of villages to be burned down by dragons, while people were most likely killed. Back in Granamyr’s chamber, he is apologizing to some humans. I’d like to point out that Granamyr’s chamber is in a dome on top of a mountain bluff, and, therefore, impossible for He-Man to have punched into from the caverns. He hands the people a new treaty and promises that he didn’t wipe his butt with it first. Really? That piece of paper is going to make it all better? No restitution? Just a, “Whoops, sorry we burned your villages to the ground”?

249 16 Too Bad So Sad

Well, I spoke too soon. The humans forgive Granamyr, recognizing that he and the other dragons were deceived. He-Man starts to promise to help them rebuild, but Granamyr will not allow it, so that he can personally take care of it. He even suggests they should name the village The City of Peace and make it totally pimped out. He conjures an image of what it’s to look like. While everyone stands around feeling good about themselves, even as the villages still smolder, Orko has wandered off and somehow summons the bubble of fire back out of the pit. He purposely puts it back in his hat, trying to get his fix of “dragon power”. He again goes bonkers and flies around like a bottle rocket, eventually landing on Granamyr’s head. “Boy, was that a mistake!” Orko says.   Spoken like a true junkie.

249 15 Pimp My City

249 16 A True Junkie

Time for this week’s moral! I think it should be about how this was all a sort of biblical allegory. A very thinly veiled one. I mean, the traitor is called Morning Star, which is one of the many names the Christian devil Lucifer goes by. Morning Star (both the devil, and the dragon) was jealous of his leader’s power and usurped it, then went nuts trying to burn the world down to spite him. He’d have damn near done it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids! Instead, Man-At-Arms comes on screen, not to tell us “The Good News”, but to tell us that Granamyr won that pissing contest fair and square, and then he stopped. If you take advantage of winning, you really lose. Winning is no excuse for bad manners. Or murder.

249 17 Winning is No Excuse Gif

He-Man murder count:
Season 1: 19
Season 2:   3

Episodes missing Skeletor:
Season 1: 28
Season 2: 21

IMDB Cast List:
John Erwin: He-Man, Prince Adam, Granamyr
Alan Oppenheimer: Man-At-Arms, Morningstar
Lou Scheimer: Orko, Targon, Dragons, Pit of Shadows Griffins, Peasant
Erika Scheimer: Peasant Girl
Whoa, Linda Gary is out in the cold on this one!

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