Interesting! “Visitors From Earth”, huh? We were shown how Queen Marlena, an Earthling, came to be on Eternia a long time ago, but perhaps this could be a more in depth look at how she arrived? I’m not sure there’s really much more to tell with that story, but that may just make it all the more perfect for the writers. The other thing I thought of was the Christmas Special in which a couple of Earth kids wind up on Eternia, but that special aired after this, and I’m sure they don’t have anything to do with each other. We open in space, but instead of getting the slow pan to, and then into, Eternia, we actually pan to the left and come upon a spacecraft, back dropped by stars and haphazardly located planets, as it hurls through the cold vacuum of outer space.
Inside, a couple of humans, one a blonde woman, and one a brunette male, are having trouble controlling their ship. The Colonel says the stabilizer is going crazy and he’s losing control of the ship. Indeed, the ship goes nuts and gets sucked in to a very colorful wormhole. It lasts for a really long time, and when they finally come out, they can’t get a reading on where they are. The blonde woman, Major Andrea Steele, voiced by Erika Scheimer, and sounding like every little boy that’s ever had a speaking part on this show, theorizes that they have been completely blown out of Earth’s solar system. Colonel Mark Blaze doesn’t really seem that bothered by their situation, and suggests they get back to work finding the meteor they were looking for in the first place.
Major Andrea Steele is pointing out that they won’t be able to find the meteor without working sensors, but just then the sensors come back on. Those sensors reveal a planet that’s just beneath them, and wouldn’t you know it, that planet has life on it. They do a fancy corkscrew as they head down toward the planet, hopeful, I think, that the meteor they seek will be there. That would be very destructive though, and it’s not clear. Down in the Royal Courtyard, Teela is speaking to Prince Adam when the spacecraft comes flying overhead. In the ship, Mark Blaze tells Major Andrea to sound the distress beacon, but she sensibly asks him how they know if the inhabitants of this planet are friendly. A class act, Colonel Mark Blaze says, “We don’t know that, but you’re going to find out”. She’s all like, “Me? How?” Mark Blaze says she’s going to eject and I totally expected him to hit the button right then. But before he does, he goes on to say that with their “cargo”, he can’t risk landing their ship near the people below them. Oh, that, and he won’t risk the rough landing they’re in for with her in the ship. How sweet
Colonel Blaze says, “Happy landing, Andrea”, then finally ejects her from the ship. She activates a homing beacon and out she goes. Her parachute-laden chair ejects and descends into the Royal Courtyard, and the whole of the royal court is there to greet her. They all look at her strangely, and with concern. Teela asks if she’s all right, while King Randor asks who she is and where she’s from. Isn’t it convenient that every one on Eternia speaks English? That was quite lucky for Queen Marlena as well, I must say. She bravely steps forward and introduces herself, “My name is Major Andrea Steele. I’m an astronaut”. Queen Marlena gets a little excited and asks if she’s from Earth. Andrea can’t fathom how she would know that, so Queen Marlena says that she was once an astronaut. “You…You’re not… Marlena Glenn?” Andrea asks, hesitantly. “Oh, yes I am, or… was” Queen Marlena answers a little shyly.
Andrea doesn’t understand because Marlena Glenn disappeared and was never heard from again. Well, I guess now Andrea knows where she disappeared to, doesn’t she. Queen Marlena quickly changes the subject and wants to know why she’s here. King Randor, draws the Earth blonde’s attention away form his Earth ginger by interrupting, commenting that her ship must have been in trouble. I wonder if that old dog is regretting not having waited for an Earth blonde to come along. Blondes are kind of rare on Eternia, much less ones from Earth. Andrea says that her ship was having trouble, and that her commander is still with it. Prince Adam wants to know why he didn’t eject, and then Andrea goes ahead and spills the beans. You see, they are Earth’s only hope… For years, humans have been sending rockets and satellites into space. Most of these can’t be brought back and are left to drift away.
Except Earth scientists have discovered that a magnetic meteor is heading toward their planet, and it’s magnetic forces attract any dead satellites or rocket near it, and it’s causing it to grow in size as it continues on it’s deadly path toward Earth. If it crashes into Earth, it will destroy the planet. Man-At-Arms finishes her story for her, “So, your mission was to destroy the meteor before it reaches Earth.” Andrea asks them to help her find her commander, because he should have radioed in by now. Well, considering he would seem to be carrying an explosive payload, it seems pretty clear that he could only have landed near Snake Mountain. Teela promises Andrea that they will do everything they can to help her. She says there’s only 14 hours left until this meteor hits – which means it’s a fuck of a long way away from where they are! Andrea looks up longingly into the sky, “Oh, Mark. Mark, where are you?”
We cut to Colonel Mark Blaze, and he hasn’t yet crash-landed. Just as I guessed would happen, he’s cruising right through Skeletor’s territory. He finally crash lands, and as he goes to try and call Andrea on his arm communicator, he looks up as the camera slowly pans up Snake Mountain, “Look at that! It looks like something out of a horror movie! It looks like some kind of monument to evil,” Colonel Blaze says, frightened. He’s startled by the sound of Skletor’s laughter behind him. “Close,” Skeletor says, “It’s a monument to greatness!” Skeletor is standing there with Spikor. Colonel Blaze wants to know who Skeletor is, but Skeletor counters, asking instead who Blaze is. Before Colonel Blaze can answer, Spikor makes a move on him.
We fade in on the inside of Snake Mountain. Colonel Blaze is trapped in a glass cylinder while Skeletor stands at the controls and Spikor, Two Bad, and Evil-Lyn look on. All he will tell them is that his name is Colonel Mark Blaze. Skeletor presses a switch that activates the “truth scanner”. A light flashes inside the cylinder, then the chamber is filled with a pulsating, opaquish light. Blaze hunches his shoulders and speaks slowly, like he’s drunk. He instantly slurs out the whole plan – who he is, where he’s from, and what his mission is. At least Colonel Mark Blaze has an excuse, Major Andrea Steele spilled the beans completely willingly, and without really having been asked. Skeletor is extremely interested in a missile that is powerful enough to blow up a giant meteor, figuring he could use it to blow up Castle Grayskull so that he can finally rule Eternia.
Two Bad stuffs Colonel Mark Blaze into a cage while Evil-Lyn goes outside with Skeletor to check out the missile. Two Bad tells Spikor to keep an eye on the prisoner because he’s going to go get some sleep. Spikor agrees to this, but tells Two Bad to make it fast so Spikor can take a nap too. While this is going on, Colonel Blaze presses a button on his wrist device, which activates his homing beacon. Back at the Royal Palace, Major Andrea Steele stands awkwardly between Prince Adam and a snoozing Cringer when her homing beacon goes off. She just runs right by Prince Adam and hops on a sky sled and takes off, even though she would have no idea how to control it, much less start it without even looking. “Come on Cringer, we’ve got to help.” Prince Adam says. “Ooo, ooo, now you’ve got me chasing women on sky sleds,” Cringer complains.
Prince Adam whips out the power sword and recycles some animation, which is pretty late in an episode to do that. When he’s done, He-Man takes off on Battle Cat’s back. We gently cut back and forth between shots of Major Andrea Steele cruising along expertly on a stolen sky sled and He-Man charging along on Battle Cat. Eventually, the background behind Major Andrea changes and she arrives at Snake Mountain, landing by her crashed spacecraft. By the time she gets out and turns around, the blonde guy with his green and orange tiger she just fled from is standing there, but instead of saying, “How did you get here so fast, and why did you change your clothes?” she says, “Who are you?” He-Man tells her not to be afraid – he’s a friend and he’s here to help her. Major Steele tells him that Blaze isn’t in the ship but he’s near. Major Steele leads the way and He-Man tells Battle Cat to be careful because they’re heading into Snake Mountain.
Inside, Two Bad must have taken the world’s fastest nap, because he’s awake and sitting on a stool, flipping something into a bucket that sits between him and Beast Man. Snoring can be heard, so I guess Spikor has already fallen asleep. Major Steele spots Colonel Mark Blaze in the cell and tells He-Man, even though it’s pretty fucking obvious who the guy in the cell is. He-Man tells Andrea who the two bad guys are – Beast Man and Two Bad – and that he’ll have to take them out before they can get to Mark. Andrea says, “Let me try something, this always works on TV,” and I nearly spit my beer out. That is always a good reason to try something. She flicks a rock and hits a dozing Beast Man in the face with it. Startled, he thinks it’s Two Bad and gets all mad. Two Bad denies it, and when Beast Man dozes off again, Andrea does it again. This time, Beast Man gets two buckets and stuffs them over Two Bad’s heads.
He-Man and Andrea look at each other, grinning, then cringing, when the buckets get slammed down. Beast Man has his back turned while He-Man sneaks over to the cage. He puts his finger to his lips and rips the door off. Beast Man is about to smash Two Bad in the head with a boulder when he happens to notice the cell is torn open and the prisoner is missing. Beast Man drops the boulder on his feet out of surprise. Two Bad gets the buckets off his heads and goes inside to inspect the empty cell. Beast Man enters and slurs, “Dah, there’s nobody in here,” which was pretty obvious with out entering. He-Man sneaks up and shuts the door on them, trapping them inside. Outside, Colonel Mark Blaze is working on the ship, while Major Andrea Steele, He-Man, and Battle Cat look on.
Man-At-Arms lands in a wind raider. He-Man tells Man-At-Arms that Skeletor has stolen the missile and plans to use it to destroy Castle Grayskull. Man-At-Arms says they’ve got to stop Skeletor but He-Man says that he and Andrea will deal with Skeletor, and that Man-At-Arms needs to stay here with Colonel Mark Blaze to fix the ship. Man-At-Arms is going to call Teela to help them too. I don’t know why he didn’t bring her with him in the first place. Oh, that’s right, her place is at home guarding the palace. “Hurry, He-Man. We’ve got to save Earth!” Colonel Mark Blaze says passionately to He-Man. “I know. And not just Earth. If Skeletor destroys Castle Grayskull, no one can stop him from ruling Eternia,” He-Man says, which is pretty much like saying screw Earth, we need to save our planet! He-Man looks up ominously at Snake Mountain as lightning flashes across the sky.
At Castle Grayskull, Skeletor stands outside with Evil-Lyn as he holds the missile. It’s actually quite bit smaller than I would have thought. He’s going to place it in the jaws of Grayskull and blow it’s fucking mouth open. Once it’s open, he’s going to take what he wants. To get it to the door, Skeletor calls on a mechanical falcon, which swoops down from above, swoops across the gap and, delivers the payload. I have to point out that margin a much farther span than that drawbridge would span when lowered. The falcon just leaves the missile on the stoop, laying in front of the draw bridge. Skeletor howls with excitement, and as the falcon flies away, I’m wondering how Skeletor plans to detonate it from there.
Before I find out, He-Man and Major Andrea Steele show up. Skeletor turns to them, saying, “He-Man! And another one of those Earth creatures!” He says it like those Earth creatures look so strange, like nothing he’s ever seen before. Skeletor blasts at them with his staff, which sends He-Man into some recycled animation rolls. Evil-Lyn charges at Major Steele, but Andrea ably handles her, tossing her up over her shoulder to a crashing stop behind her. “Beautiful, Andrea! Where did you learn that?” He-Man says. His use of the word beautiful is clearly in reference to the defensive move she did, not her looks. “My father taught me how to cook, my mother taught me Judo,” she says, winking.
Skeletor threatens He-Man, pointing his staff at the missile. Standing very near to Skeletor, He-Man says to himself, quite audibly, “I’ll have to get that thing fast. No time for the drawbridge!” He-Man takes a running start, does a somersault in the air, and then lands on the other side. Skeletor continues to blast at He-Man, making him dodge some energy blasts with his fanny. Some of the blasts hit the missile, but they just end up shaking it over the edge, where it falls in to the bottomless pit, to be lost forever. Skeletor freaks, because the bottomless pit is bottomless, but Evil-Lyn says, “Just to be sure, Skeletor, we better leave before that missile explodes!” He-Man realizes that it could still hit the side of the pit and cause some damage. Oh, and maybe they need it so they can save Earth, or something. So, He-Man jumps into a wind raider to chase after it and make sure it doesn’t explode. And/or to recover it so they can maybe save Earth.
He-Man quickly catches up with the missile, even though it had a hella head start. He flies up next to it. Then, flying straight down along side it, He-Man reaches out and carefully grabs the missile. He reverses course and flies up out of the pit with the rescued missile. He-Man smiles and waves at Andrea as he flies overhead. We cut to He-Man and Andrea, having arrived back outside Snake Mountain with the missile. Man-At-Arms, Teela, and Colonel Mark Blaze have finished fixing the ship, and it looks like it never crashed. It occurs to me that Skeletor is likely to be returning any minute. Actually, Man-At-Arms can’t get the launching mechanism repaired, so they can’t “send the missile on it’s way”. I’m not sure if that refers to the ships thrusters, or if it’s a mechanism on board that actually fires the missile. He-Man exclaims that Skeletor set the missile timer for 49 minutes! What? Why? Skeletor was going to stand there for an hour waiting for the missile to explode? It doesn’t make any sense, no wonder Skeletor always fails.
Colonel Mark Blaze hangs his head, saying dramatically, “Then it’s over. Our mission has failed.” He-Man tries to be encouraging, and Colonel Blaze perks back up, but is still doubtful. “What if we could launch the missile?! How are we going to get back into Earth’s galaxy to do this?” As He-Man stands there holding a live, blinking missile, Man-At-Arms thinks. He confirms that Colonel Blaze still has the recorder on his ship. Queen Marlena’s ship still has its recorder, so he needs to compare the two of them. Back at the palace, they conclude that the calculations from both the recorders are the same. If they can blast the rocket onto the same path, it might take them back. “No, that wouldn’t work. Your only chance is to reverse the readings!” Queen Marlena says. Oh, you mean follow the map backwards to go home? Thanks. “Of course!” Major Andrea Steele says, “No wonder your skill and knowledge are still legendary on Earth”. Legendary, huh?
He-Man and Colonel Mark Blaze hop in a spacecraft and take off. He-Man is with them because the missile launching system is broken, so I guess he is going to have to throw the missile at the meteor personally. They fly into the wormhole, He-Man sitting shotgun, holding the missile. Colonel Mark Blaze “reverses the calculations” which works and snaps them out of the wormhole. When they emerge, they are upon the planet Earth. He-Man says, breathily, “That’s it! Earth. So, that’s where my mother came from.” Good God, man. Can you imagine He-Man running around 1980s Earth? What a fish out of water he would be compared to Eternia? Oh, right. We are going to witness that when we close with the project with the 1987 movie Masters of the Universe.
Snapping out of their reverie, they look around for the meteor. They don’t see it anywhere, so the Colonel asks how much time is left on the missiles timer. Three. Three minutes, He-Man says, sounding kind of unconcerned. Finally they find the meteor without any scientific means, but even though it doesn’t count down to seconds on the missile timer, Colonel Mark Blaze says there’s only 40 seconds left until it goes off. He-Man holds out and keeps telling him to get closer, closer. Unless the ship is made of plastic, if he gets too close, the magnetic meteor would suck them in. “Open the canopy, Colonel. Let’s try out our new rocket launcher. Me!” The canopy opens and, just as I knew he would, He-Man rises up in space, thousands of light years from his own planet, with no space suit, and no clear way home.
Poking out of the canopy of the spaceship like a drunk bachelorette in a limo, He-Man watches as the meteor passes around the other side of the planet, which is ridiculous. It either missed the planet, or it would have slammed right into it by now. Instead, it’s more like it got caught in it’s orbit. He-Man throws the missile anyway, which looks like a really straight shot, not one that’s going to curve around the planet like the meteor did. He-Man tells Colonel Mark Blaze to dive! “Dive, Colonel! Dive, let’s get out of here!” Right at the one-second mark, the missile collides into the meteor, and the whole thing practically vaporizes, dead satellites and all. I guess now Colonel Mark Blaze has to take He-Man all the way back to Eternia, then head back again. Maybe He-Man left Major Andrea Blaze behind on purpose as collateral to ensure his return.
Back on Eternia, all are gathered while Colonel Mark Blaze and Major Andrea Steele are packing up to head home. Queen Marlena tenderly tells Andrea that if anyone on Earth remembers her, tell them she is well and happy, very happy. Seriously, how long is she supposed to have been gone? Is she implying that everyone that might actually remember her may be dead from old age? I suppose it’s possible she could age differently on Eternia and that she’s been gone 100 years. Or, is she suggesting that in only 20 or 30 years, they’ve forgotten her? In any case, either no Earthling is going to believe Colonel Mark and Major Andrea’s story of their wild adventures with English speaking aliens named He-Man that can breath in space, and evil villains that look like they escaped from the maws of Hell, or they are going to copy the flight recorder and head right over to try and start colonizing.
Major Andrea asks Queen Marlena if she would come home with them. King Randor hangs his head sadly, I guess immediately assuming her answer is going to be yes. Queen Marlena turns brightly to King Randor and says that this is her home now. She walks over and puts her arm around King Randor and Prince Adam, saying, “And this is my family”. It’s kind of a no-brainer. On Earth, she was an astronaut, true, but here she’s a queen. Cononel Mark Blaze says he understands, and maybe they can come visit Earth some time. Well, it’ll be a couple years, Colonel Blaze, but they’ll come. Don’t you worry, they’ll come. With that, Colonel Mark Blaze and Major Andrea Steele load up and ship out. King Randor, his arm around Queen Marlena, watches as they go, “Who knows. Maybe we will see them again. Maybe we will visit Earth one day.” Queen Marlena looks hopeful, but since there’s no continuity on this show, she shouldn’t be.
Time for this week’s moral! I think it should be about how this episode would really result in the cross colonization of both of their planets. Humans would come to Eternia looking to rape it’s resources and see its wonders (in that order), while Skeletor would – and still might – find his way to Earth, where he may actually have a reasonable chance of taking over, unless we go Nagasaki on him. Instead Queen Marlena comes on screen to tell us that today’s story was make believe – Earth was not in any real danger. But, by implication, all the other episodes… you should assume that stuff really happened. However make believe, you can still learn something from today’s episode. When people work together, they can accomplish great things! And, when you help someone else, you’re also really helping yourself. Never forget to help yourself too, kids.
He-Man murder count:
Season 1: 19
Season 2: 3
Episodes missing Skeletor:
Season 2: 22
IMDB Cast List:
John Erwin: He-Man, Prince Adam, Beast Man
Alan Oppenheimer: Skeletor, Man-At-Arms, Cringer, Battle Cat
Linda Gary: Teela, Evil-Lyn, Queen Marlena
Lou Scheimer: Orko King Randor, Colonel Mark Blaze, Two Bad, Spikor
Erika Scheimer: Major Andrea Steele