Well. Here we at the last episode of the series. Though I still have the special, “He-Man and She-Ra: Secret of the Sword” to review, along with the grand conclusion with the Masters of the Universe live action film, this is the end of the show proper, friends. Want to take bets on whether Skeletor is in it or not? I honestly don’t know, so let’s get on with it. Out near the front of the Royal Palace, Orko has dragged them all out there to show them some dumb new trick. Man-At-Arms stands with his arm outstretched; perched on it are 3 mechanical birds. Orko’s trick is to juggle some magic balls with out any hands. He makes the balls twirl, but also the mechanical birds. The mechanical birds start to float away, which gets Man-At-Arms incredibly pissed. They are one-of-a-kind mechanical birds, and they cannot be replaced. Orko chases after them and a net emerges form his hat, catching the mechanical birds as they were fleeing for their freedom.
Just as Orko expresses his relief that he caught them in a safe place, he spots Kobra Khan’s shark vehicle, and jets off back to his group shouting “Land Shark! Land Shark!” It follows him right back to everyone. The Land Shark rolls to a stop and Krobra- Khan emerges from the top, staring everyone down. He demands to speak to He-Man and only He-Man. Finally he tells them what he wants because they refuse to get He-Man for him if Kobra Khan doesn’t spit it out right now. Kobra Khan finally tells them that his people are in great danger because the eternal flame that keeps their cabin warm is out. Without it, they slip into hibernation forever. Man-At-Arms reasons with Prince Adam that the Reptars are a very peaceful race and have never harmed anyone. Well, except Kobra Khan, because he’s a prick. Prince Adam figures one bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch, and they agree to help. Prince Adam finds some privacy and recycles animation – the whole fucking bit, complete with Battle Cat’s part.
So, uh, they were all standing there together and Prince Adam is like, “Excuse me a moment,” and then a few minutes later He-Man steps out, and still nobody gets it. He-Man and crew follow Kobra Khan in the Attak Trak as the Land Shark leads them back to Kobra Khan’s village. Kobra Khan radios back to He-Man and tells them this is a dangerous place and to be careful. Almost immediately, they encounter a beast blocking the road, hurling boulders at them. It resembles a dragon cockroach with 6 tentacles coming out of it’s back. He-Man gets up close and taunts the thing, then tricks it in to tying all of it’s own tentacles together. Suddenly, a random tree trunk, high up on an outcropping, cracks and is about to crush Man-An-Arms. He really has plenty of time to move (think steam roller scene in Austin Powers), but all he does is stand there with his arms above his head, watching in terror. Kobra Khan uses his laser eyes to blast apart the tree. Duncan is totally impressed that Kobra Khan saved him.
Kobra Khan says they need to go. He rushes off ahead, and while he waits by the Land Shark we get into his private thoughts. Apparently Kobra Khan has it in for good ol’ Duncan. He thinks to himself that Man-At-Arms will soon find out what’s in store for him, and next time Kobra Khan won’t save him. When they arrive, He-Man has to leave Attak Trak, who has previously stated how uneasy Land Shark makes him, right next to Land Shark. Attak Trak is not thrilled. Land Shark (also known as “Smiley”) just keeps snapping his jaws at Attak Trak. Inside the caves He-Man and crew quickly see what Kobra Khan was talking about – it’s cold as witch’s tittie down there. They find the extinguished (so-called) Eternal Flame, and as they muse on it, a bunch of reptilian guards run out and capture them. “At last, we have them… the villains responsible for extinguishing the eternal flame!” their leader shouts.
The lizard guards explain to them that the will be given a fair hearing in front of the King. He-Man acre’s they’ll go quietly, “for now”. The camera gets to the throne room before the captives do, and in side the King is complaining about the cold, his jester tries to pretend like it’s not and does a bunch of acrobatics. The King is not impressed and tells him he’s sick of the idiotic humor. He even turns his head upside down to tell him this. I’m surprised the King didn’t burn the idiot jester for warmth, right then and there. The King realizes that on the upside, when they sink into eternal hibernation, he will never have to hear these stupid jokes again! The guards come in dragging He-Man. He-Man says there’s been a mix up – he was brought here by a friend, one of their own people – to help!
The guard scoffs at this idea and says he has a witness that saw them put the flame out. A door opens and Kobra Khan is standing behind it. Orko calls him a snake (oh, good one) and demands that Kobra Khan vouch for them. Kobra Khan says he most definitely, no mistake about it, saw these people put out the eternal flame. Orko demands to know of the King who he’s going to believe. He’s like, “Well, I know Kobra-Kahn, so…. him”. Remember when He-Man said he will go along peacefully “for now”? That “for now” has expired. He-Man resists and fends off a few attacks from the guards, but then Kobra Khan sprays them with his sleeping gas. It works and they all slip into unconsciousness. As the King is resigning himself to slipping into eternal hibernation, Kobra Khan suggests maybe he could restore the flame. The King is like, yeah, that’s a good idea. Whoever can restore the flame will be King.
This is all according to plan for Kobra Khan. The jester gets suspicious and follows Kobra Khan. The sneaky snake heads to the eternal flame and removes the ice crystal. Much to his horror though, it doesn’t return – the ice crystal must have permanently put the flame out! The jester overhears all of this. Elsewhere, the heroes have been moved to a cell, where He-Man is resting comfortably. He comes to and decides they need to get out. He-Man punches the door open and nearly takes out the jester with the flying metal slab. The jester assures them he was coming to let them out because he’s on the good guy’s side now. He tells everyone the “long story” (it’s not that long) as he leads them back to the eternal flame in order to fix it. Upon arrival, Man-At-Arms determines that the cavern leading down to the lava flow that powers their eternal flame has caved in and names a long list of shit they’ll need to clear it.
He-Man spots and ice stalactite that is the “perfect size”, how he can tell that, have no idea. He throws the power sword at it, and catches both the sword and the ice crystal when they fall. He orders everyone back. He-Man holds the crystal above him dives deep into the hole, drilling as he descends. Yes, that’s right, he dove straight into the ground to drill right into molten lava. Up above, Man-At-Arms is counting down – based on his calculations – as to when He-Man will break through into the lava. At that exact moment, he does. Then He-Man comes flying back out of the well, just as the lava sprays though, reigniting the eternal flame. The jester is very happy and feels better already, now that the heat is back on. Korbra-Khan steps forward and says he feels better too! He-Man deduces that he’s been there the whole time and intends to take credit for restoring the eternal flame. He’s right.
Suddenly the King and his guards are at the door. The King demands to know the meaning of everyone down here together. Kobra Khan says he’s there because he turned the flames back on, and the others tried to stop him. The jester says that’s not true but the King tells him to shut it. The King asks if Kobra Khan swears on his honor that’s what happened. He does, of course, so the King tells the guards to arrest the guilty one. They rush forward and surround Kobra Khan, which shocks him. The King says he’s not making the same mistake he made in trusting Kobra Khan the first time. Then, the King turns to He-Man and announces he is the new King, since he restored the eternal flame. He-Man graciously declines, since the current king is better at lording over a reptilian race. The King shows He-Man what’s become of Kobra Khan, so the jester leads him out and teaches him some jester tricks. Kobra Khan’s punishment is to make people happy.
Time for this week’s moral! I think it’s pretty lame that Skeletor is missing from the final episode of the series and that it was such a lame, blasé episode that I finished it in less than 1,500 words? Actually, Skeletor was missing from the last episode of Season One as well. What the fuck, man? There was barely anything to really even make fun of. This show carved such an unimpressive creative swath that it went out in a blaze of underachieving mediocrity. Instead Man-At-Arms comes on, scowling as he holds the three mechanical birds he lost. He reminds us that the King trusted Kobra Khan because it was the easy answer. But, sometimes you have to see through the bullshit and dig a little deeper to find the truth. “Because of L.S.D., I know that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullshit.” ~ Mitch Hedberg.
He-Man murder count:
Season 1: 19
Season 2 4
Episodes missing Skeletor:
Season 1: 28
Season 2: 26
IMDB Cast List:
John Erwin: He-Man, Prince Adam, King Pythos
Alan Oppenheimer: Cringer, Battle Cat, Man-At-Arms, Chancellor
Linda Gary: Teela, Evil-Lyn, The Sorceress
Lou Sheimer: Orko, Kobra Khan, Attak Trak, Scales
I would like to point out that nobody credited to Linda Gary in this episode cast list was in this episode. Just saying. Maybe it was the last credits role they needed with her to complete the contract.